It’s a miracle! June 20, 2007 ~ 12:19 pm
Posted by Julie in : About a Julz , trackbackI am flying to Pittsburgh on Friday for my mom’s birthday. I will not say which birthday it is for fear of being beaten when I get off the plane, but suffice it to say that it is one of those birthdays that Hallmark has designated a “milestone.” Since I will be 30 in September, you all can do some math and decide which milestone year it is.
Related to the flying part of that paragraph, but not necessarily the birthday part, my right ear has been clogged with wax. Again. And I didn’t really want to go to the doctor’s to get said wax removed.  Again. But I have a history of my ears not popping on ascent and descent like they are supposed to, which is roughly akin to being stabbed in the ear with an icepick. Repeatedly. So something had to be done.
Peeps, last night I used Debrox drops in the manner in which they are supposed to be used. Not the hopeful “put some drops in the ear, lay down, and hope the wax miraculously dissolves” way that I have used in the past, but the “put the drops in the ear, lay down, and then go flush the hell out of that waxy ear with the ear syringe” method that was recommended to me by our own ESC. I told her that I hadn’t had luck with this method in the past, but she was convinced that if I really squirted the water into my ear “hard,” it would work. Don’t argue with a scientist, folks, she was right.
After two cycles of Debrox drops, so much ear flushing I was beginning to feel attached to the bathroom sink, and about a half hour, I could hear again. And now for the gross detail: there was enough wax floating around in the sink to start a candle. Seriously, it was the size of a kidney bean, maybe two kidney beans. No fucking wonder I couldn’t hear out of that ear! Since then, it has been like a little tiny eargasm. I can hear! I can answer the phone with my right ear! If I sleep on my left side, I can still hear the alarm clock go off! It’s a miracle!
Now let’s see if the ear flush and the meds for the sinus infection make the plane trip bearable. I’m going to go stock up on some gum and Earplanes just in case.
Comments
Tell your Mom Happy Birthday for me please!
I remember being on a flight one time as a kid and one ear wouldn’t pop and the pressure that built up was quite unbearable. I was in tears.
My dad’s reassuring words of wisdom? “Don’t force your ear to pop. It might make you go deaf. Just wait until we land and eventually the pressure will relieve it self.”
All I heard was YOU MIGHT GO DEAF. Thanks, Dad. Thanks a lot.
Good luck with the flying!
Yikes. Where is the wax coming from? Is your ear worried about dirt and is overmaking wax? Have fun this weekend and Sept. birthdays rule! (Mine is the 1st)
Umm…
Yeuch.
(Happy birthday, Julie’s mom.)
I am so glad I tuned in to Evil Julie’s musings because Eargasm is the funniest thing I have read/heard all day.
I love that story. I wish I could have seen the wax. I tried that candle thing once. Loved it. We’ll have to do your version next time I come over. What fun.
Have fun on your trip. My husband has weird ear wax. His is the most godawful shade of 1980’s rust velour furniture. What color is yours?
We should all send Julez our earwax and then she can make a Blogger Earwax Candle and auction it!
What?
You should ALWAYS listen to your friendly neighborhood evil science chick.
and ew. just…ew.
Who would’ve thought that a wax anything would cause a “gasm”!
Cool! You should, like, start a collection of ear wax or something! You could charge admission to see it at the freak shows! “Come see the world’s larges ball of ear wax! It will amaze and horrify you all at once!”
Glad you can hear now. Say Happy 39th Birthday to your Mom! I’m sure she was an early bloomer.
Lisa~Will do, although she’s probably read the birthday wishes here!
We should get together and do a movie when I get back.
Grace~Oh my god, the pain is excruciating. And all I could think was “My eardrum is going to pop. It’s going to pop!” I figured *that* would make me deaf, not so much the trying to equalize the pressure in my ears.
Seth~Mine’s the 30th. And apparently it’s not that I produce so *much* wax, it’s that my ear canal is very narrow and S-shaped, so the wax gets caught in there and backs up. Ha! I have constipated ear canals!
Aimee~It was actually kinda cool, but I can see how other people might not think so.
Kendra~Alas, I can’t claim credit for “eargasm” - a girl in my Stitch n Bitch has a similar problem with waxy buildup, and she’s the one who made up the term. I wish I had, but I’m still glad it made you laugh.
Lori~I *knew* you would like this story. You officially have the title of “Most Disgusting Friend.” And I mean that in the best possible way.
Geewits~Apparently the Debrox lightens it, but if earwax has really built up in your ear and you haven’t used the Debrox, it’s that rust velour color. Mine was actually closer to sunshine yellow.
Nanner~You so crafty! But um, no.
ESC~I figure Kev and I are now earwax siblings.
Seamus~Obviously your ear canals are not narrow and S-shaped or you would know!
Vince~I could sell it to Coney Island!! Um, no. And yes, Mom was 9 when she had me. Since you are the only blogger to actually meet her, you would have a good idea of how old she is.
That’s kind of crazy. And not really kind of, but mostly totally.
Have fun.