Today, I am going to go places that no male readers will want to go with me. But you women will know exactly what I’m talking about. Men, read at your own risk, because I have to rant.
I am currently in the grip of a yeast infection. And while there are many ways in which I copy our beloved ESC (*cough*Twitter*cough*), yogurt in…places…is not one of them. So yesterday on my lunch break, I hied myself over to the Rite Aid and bought some OTC yeast killer. And then I read the instructions. Yes, you can use this product when you’re on your period (did I mention I’m on my period as well? No? Well, I am.). But if you’re going to use it while on your period, we recommend that you don’t use tampons. Because they suck out all the medicine or something.
Hmmm. Here was a dilemma. Because while I was a relative latecomer to tampons (I think it was college when I realized, “Hey, I’m having sex and putting something up there anyway, what’s the big deal with using a tampon?”), I have not looked back to my pad-wearing days AT. ALL. But, yeast infections suck. Yeast infections in July? Unebelievably sucky. I wanted to get rid of this fucking thing as soon as possible. I went back to the drugstore and bought some pads. The package promised me they were ultra thin and regular sized.
Ladies, if this sucking thing is regular sized, then the extra long ones must be the size of the goddamned QEII. I seriously feel like I am wearing Pampers, they are just that big. I grant you, they are significantly thinner than when I last wore a pad, but the length…holy shit, they cover half my unders and I am not even kidding. I am so conscious of the damn thing that I am having junior high flashbacks of thinking that everyone knew when it was my period. And to top it all off? It’s July! It’s muggy as hell! And here am I with this thing stuck to my asscheeks, trying to walk along like nothing is the matter, but inwardly flinching with every step.
Tampons, I am sorry I took you for granted. I now remember that before I started using you I hated my period. After I started using you (and got on the Pill, come to think of it), my period was not such a big deal. What I’m trying to say is…tampons, I miss you. Please let this yeast infection pass quickly so that I can start wearing you again. I’m miserable without you.
End rant and spontaneous love letter to tampons which seriously came out of nowhere.
I was going to suggest my OTHER big “TMI” push in that you use Insteads, which are way better than tampons anyway. But then I’m thinking maybe the idea is not that tampons suck up all the yeast infection medicine, but that by inserting one, you push up the infection into deeper places that infections should not be.
In which case, Insteads would probably be just as bad.
And to reiterate: I did NOT choose to put yogurt “in places” because I’m some kind of all-natural patchouli-soaked hippie. I did it because I am ALLERGIC to the OTC stuff. I wasn’t trying to start a trend.
And you should be eating yogurt anyway. It’s GOOD FOR YOU!
I was going to suggest Insteads also, but ESC does have a point. Though, you could maybe smear the medicine on the rim of the cup?
Grace~It was an ovule insert. Let’s just not even go into places that involve smearing.
ESC~Insteads kinda squick me out. I don’t even like to use OB tampons because it involves too much contact with my bleeding insides. What if you’re in a place that doesn’t have a sink? What then??? And I do eat yogurt. But I tend to get yeast infections around my period, and I’m sure the antibiotics I was on for the sinus infection reacting with my Pill didn’t help, either.
OK, why would you be going to the bathroom in a place that doesn’t have a sink? That is gross even if you’re NOT using Insteads. If you frequent those kinds of places, I recommend carrying around handwipes in your purse.
And dude, you have SEX during your period like it’s no big deal. Why are you so squirmy about getting a little more personal with your afflicted kitty?
and hey, I just realized – i’m on my period, too! we email so much, our cycles synced!
Can you beleive I’ve had similar conversations with the Wife? She was a heavy bleeder and needed tampon AND pad. But between being on the pill and getting a uterine fibroid removed, she’s much better.
And while I don’t mind buying feminine products for the Wife, I just get what she tells me. I have no input as to what works and what doesn’t.
But I feel for you girl. I’m muy sympatico for your female conditions. You have all of my empathy. And relief that I don’t have to deal with this stuff personally.
A fellow nameless blogger and I once had an in-depth convo about Insteads. They squick me out, too, though, and I’ve refused to use.
Word of caution you already know: be careful with the whole antibiotics/Pill combo. Unless, you know, you don’t want to be careful, in which case, never mind.
yep, you are right this is one of those men stop reading moments. Of course you realize its like telling a man to not look behind the curtain.
Hey, not to get all girl-fest or whatever, but I’m also having my period. And like ESC said, why would you ever use a bathroom that doesn’t have a sink??
But, yeah, the ovule insert…that could be kinda tricky with the Instead.
ESC and Grace~ I meant that in the more general “I’m using a public bathroom which has stalls and then sinks that are in a common area and don’t like to come out and wash my bloody hands in public” type way. Because I work at a college, and that’s mostly the type of bathroom we have. I know, I could wipe my hands off with toilet paper, but still. The college does not need to know that I am on my rag if they can’t guess it from my behaviour. Also, sex during my period is Rick’s choice. If he wants to go there, then he’s the one getting messy, ya know?
Katey~We want no visits from the antibiotic fairy, thank you very much.
Sparky~You men. When will you learn?
Vince~Men are lucky in so many ways. Enjoy that.
if you do it right, you should not be emerging with bloody hands.
ew!!!
omg. you are just too fucking funny
xo
ES
Dearest Tampax… LOL!
Pads used to be like mattresses and now they are like surf boards.
I got a good one for you, when my mom was a teen she wore pads with belts. Because it was binding enough, she didn’t wear underwear over them. One day she was walking to the post office, wearing a dress and a belted pad. The belt came loose, and her pad fell to the ground. Dying of embarrassment, sure EVERYONE saw, she just kept walking, leaving the thing face up on the downtown sidewalk. Good times!
Sorry about your icky and scratchy issue. I hope it’s all good soon!
ESC~Some of us have heavy flows, dude.
Scout~I try.
Lois~Oh my god, that’s awesome. Tell Granny Oakley that she is my hero…I would have done the same thing.
Again, the comments are almost better than the post. I do so agree with you about the pads feeling like junior high all over again. I avoid, avoid, avoid, as much as possible. And Insteads… squick! Love that word.
My present from the antiobiotic fairy turned 11 yesterday. Be extra careful darling.
I posted pics of my beadwork, just for you. Tell Rick I wish him a Happy Birthday, from one water sign to another.