I was looking through my archives, and I didn’t post last year for 9/11 so maybe it’s not obligatory. And yet I feel compelled to do so, to record my own history and feelings, and archive for myself about how this day makes me feel, a way to make sense out of the senseless.
It’s interesting when you can start to measure your life in decades (as I only have one full score under my belt, I don’t measure in those yet). And a decade since 9/11 means many things. It means a decade since I grew up in an instant. It contains the life of my goddaughter, who will only view that day as history. It means my pseudostepkids are not children anymore, but nearly adults. It means I’m getting fucking old.
I’m not going to revisit what 9/11 means to me. I don’t have to revisit it. I am going to sound like a heartless bitch here, but I think the rebroadcasts and retrospectives are meant for people who didn’t experience it firsthand. For those of us who lived through it, those of us who spent nine and a half years with a gaping hole in the skyline where the Towers used to be…we’ve had a reminder every single day of the past ten years. And even though being able to spot the Freedom Tower above the Manhattan skyline fills me with joy, it will always be a tangible reminder of what we lost that day, when part of our home was blown up and thousands of our neighbors disappeared. Even though I can watch the footage now (albeit with a lot of tears), I remember just fine without it. I was here, I lived it. And I still have a lot of rage directed at our ex-President about it, so maybe it’s best I don’t see his face tomorrow, because I don’t think he deserves to be at the ceremony. Weren’t here that day ten years ago when we needed you, buddy, but made it into a talking point for a good part of your career? You shouldn’t get to be here now.
Yep, still have a lot of rage. I’ll be working on a paper tomorrow, thanks.
Very well spoken Julz !
Was thinking of you during the hurricane,hoping you were safe !
First of all, you’ll always be younger than me which will always make you a kid in my eyes.
I agree with you that 9/11 means much more to the people that lived it (whether in NYC, Pennsylvania, or DC) that the rest of us. Even though I did tech support for the PANY, it was still a little unreal to me.
You have every right to be angry. However, it turns out that the readings at Mass today for all Catholics are about forgiveness. What is more appropriate to begin to heal from the wounds of that day but forgiveness?
Vince~ I’m still trying to find my way to that point. Most of the time I can forget about him now, which is ironic because they always say “I’ll forgive you, but I won’t forget,” and it’s the other way around for me. It’s not easy, but I’ll try.
Joanie~Made it through the hurricane just fine, no damage at all to my house and I didn’t even lose electricity – I was very lucky!