How to Kill a Peep March 31, 2004 ~ 11:17 am
Posted by Julie in : Random Insanity , trackbackPeeps are all over the place. When I was younger, they only came in yellow chick-shapes, but now they are a rainbow of colors and a universe of shapes. There have been several posts today about the evil that is a Peep, and they reminded me of an experiment performed at my house last year to see what exactly it takes to kill a Peep.
Used for experiment: several of the classic yellow chick-shaped Peeps. Nothing fancy for us.
1st method used: Water. We were’t picky, we wanted to see if the Peep would melt if submerged. Stuck said Peep in a water glass for three minutes, completely submerged as I held it down with my fingers. While I liked drowning the Peep, my satisfaction was short lived in that the water did absolutely nothing to the Peep. Moved onto…
2nd method used: Vinegar. Dumped water out of the glass and filled it with apple cider vinegar, because it was the only kind we had in the house. None of us being chemists, we figured that maybe the acid in the vinegar would kill the Peep. It sure seems to discourage the ants I sometimes find building homes outside my apartment building. Same procedure with vinegar. Hold Peep submerged beneath surface. This time after three minutes, the yellow seemed to come off a little, but the Peep was still generally intact. This called for serious measures…
3rd method used: Microwave. I remembered making s’mores in the microwave when I was younger, and how the marshmallows would always balloon to three times their normal size. Half the fun was seeing how long you could keep them in the microwave before they exploded. Upon further recollection, this part was ony fun for me and my friends. My mother was not thrilled with the prospect of a marshmallow-covered microwave. At any rate…stuck a new Peep on a small plate, and stuck it in the microwave for some time (I can’t remember the exact amount of time, we were more obsessed with getting it out before it popped). Peep became distended, as if it were suffering from a really bad case of gas. When we took it out of the microwave, the Peep shrunk back to normal size, looking only slightly the worse for wear. However when we tried to scrape it off the plate, we ran into problems. Apparently the yellow sugar/marshmallow mixture turns into something about the same consistency as super glue. Eventually the majority of the Peep was removed, but the yellow sugar coating never came completely off. I think the roommate threw it out. Still, no death for the Peep. Time for trial by…
4th method used: Fire! Skewered a new Peep with a shishkabob stick. Lit it on fire with a regular cigarette lighter. At first, nothing much happened, but eventually the yellow coating disappeared. After several minutes, we extinguished the Peep, only to find that it still had eyes! That’s right, the candy coating was gone, but the Peep was looking at us and accusing us of attempted Peep-icide! I couldn’t take the guilt, and threw this Peep out. This concluded our experiments.
Theory: Peeps do not die. I don’t know what they do when the stomach acid hits them after they are eaten, but I’m pretty sure they don’t get fully digested. Even if I could have eaten them before the experiments, which I couldn’t, there is no way in hell I could eat them after. Peeps will still be around when all that is left of this planet are the cockroaches. Peeps and cockroaches will mate and their hybrid sugar-covered spawn will rule the universe.
Comments
Sorry comments are closed for this entry