Dr. Bitch January 27, 2005 ~ 1:13 pm
Posted by Julie in : Daily Grind , trackbackYeah, I was gonna do a funny post about how Rick and I had a nooner at 6 PM last night in between my day job and last night’s rehearsal, but I decided to write about one of the reasons I don’t like doctors instead. I’m a girl, I can change my mind like that.
When I was a kid, I didn’t like my doctor. Who did, really? Sure, she had a toybox that good boys and girls could get a treat out of after a visit (normally a plastic ring or something else cheap, yet child-pleasing), but I associated that bitch with pain. I got shots when I went to the doctor. In my head, I seem to recall getting an immunization shot in my foot once, but that can’t be right, can it? Dr. Bitch also cut a wart out of my foot once when I was about 7, and I’m pretty damn sure that she didn’t use anesthetic. If she did, I sure as hell felt a lot of pain, so we’ll add incompetence to Dr. Bitch’s sadistic nature.
I don’t remember a lot about it - if I haven’t told you before, I’m really good at blocking out pain or bad memories. (I can’t remember most of my three years in Catholic school for this reason.) I remember being told that I had a plantars wart on my foot, and not knowing what the hell that was. I remember going to Dr. Bitch’s office and her examining it, saying she wanted to remove it. And the next thing I remember, she had a razor blade or scalpel or something and was cutting into my bare little foot. I screamed, because who the fuck wouldn’t, and she said (this part I remember clearly) “Don’t scream, Julie, you don’t want the other girls and boys to hear you.” I wanted to say “Yes! Yes, I do! I want them to know what can happen to them back here! Let them get out while they still can!” I guess my mom was in the room with me, and I can’t begin to imagine what she was going through with me crying and screaming and her not able to do anything about it. When it was all over and the wart was gone, there was a little hole in my foot that we covered with moleskin. And then I beat feet to get out of there. I don’t even remember stopping at the toy chest for my just reward.
Now it just so happens that I have another plantars wart on my foot now. I’ve been using Dr. Scholl’s to get rid of it, because I’ll be damned if anyone cuts my foot open (the medical term I believe is curretage or something like that) again. And when I checked WebMD, it said that curretage isn’t recommended for the feet, where scarring can be painful, and it isn’t as effective as the Dr. Scholl’s. Stoopid Dr. Bitch.
Seriously, is it any wonder I don’t like doctors?
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