Story time May 26, 2006 ~ 2:55 pm
Posted by Julie in : About a Julz, Story Time , trackback
Coney Island’s own goth marching band.
Once upon a time, when I was in seventh grade, I had an awful Gifted teacher. And when I say awful I don’t mean personality-wise, although she was no prize. I mean, she was an awful teacher who had no real idea of what to do with Gifted kids. Gifted kids have to be kept busy or they get bored, and then they cause trouble that would astound people. Especially when there is a group of them that can collaborate about what trouble to cause. While Mrs. Gallagher seemed to comprehend this (which is more than I can say for my eight grade Gifted teacher, who was surprised when we figured out a way to get our desks out the windows and onto the playground), she did not comprehend that busy work is also not the way to go. Gifted students see through busy work and turn it around on you.
One assignment that she gave us was to write out the lyrics to a song that we liked and bring it in, so we could discuss how songs are really poetry. (Side note: DUH. We were Gifted, for crying out loud, we knew that.) She said that we could copy out any song, and when we brought them in she would pick out some to discuss.
I went home, checked out which tapes had lyrics in the liners and decided to copy out “Something to Believe In” by Poison. One problem, that song is damn long! I got about halfway through it, my hand was cramping up, and you know that this was in the days before computers so I couldn’t type it. I re-evaluated my choice of song. I looked for the shortest set of lyrics I could find.
I came up with Bruce Dickinson’s “Dive! Dive! Dive!”. It was short, it made me laugh, it was perfect. I copied it down, I took it to school, I handed it in. Mrs. Gallagher did not read it aloud, but I just chalked that up to her not liking metal music. Years later when I listened to the Tattooed Millionaire album again, I realized why she hadn’t read it.
(Lyrics behind the cut)
” Put an opening shot across your bows
Got tunnel vision, hmm, pull the sheets in now
Let ‘em flap, oh let ‘em rip
This man o’ war gonna sink your ship
Gonna blow you midships
Gonna dive tonight
There’s no release ‘till you’re deep down inside
Davy Jones gonna keep your bones
No monkee business now you’re on your own
Turn your stern and cover me
We’re rolling swell just an old seadog like me
Gonna blow you midships
Gonna dive tonight
There’s no release when you’re deep down inside
Dive! Dive! Dive!
Dive! Dive! Dive!
Dive! Dive! Dive!
No muff too tuff
We dive at five
Seaman Staines is down below
Torpedoes loaded he’s ready to go
Wait to discharge waiting to release
As she rounded the horn we came up from below
Gonna blow you midships
Gonna dive tonight
There’s no release when you’re deep down inside
Dive! Dive! Dive!
Dive! Dive! Dive!
Dive! Dive! Dive!
No muff too tuff
We dive at five
Come on, come on
Dive! Dive! Dive!
Yeah, Dive! Dive! Dive!
Come on, Dive! Dive! Dive!
No muff too tuff
We dive at five
Dive! Dive! Dive!
Sinking slow
Dive! Dive! Dive!
Sinking deep
Dive! Dive! Dive!
No muff too tuff
We dive at five
(Seaman Staines, consider yourself discharged)”
Yeah. Gifted kids are book smart, but I was really naieve in a lot of other ways. I probably gave the woman a heart attack. That makes me smile.
Comments
You TRAMP!
Dude, this is classic! Julie pushing the envelope without realizing she was pushing it! It’s the story of my life, and the basis for it was set by the time I was in middle school. Wow.
“no muff too tuff”?????
you actually WROTE THAT OUT? WHAT DID YOU THINK IT MEANT?
also, where do you find a tough muff? if there is a muff out there that might be considered somewhat tough, then maybe that is the muff to leave alone.
I was TWELVE, Bunsen. Did you know what a muff was when you were 12? I mean, it’s not exactly in heavy rotation as a euphemism. Pussy, sure. Muff? Nah.
I’m sorry, I’m still stuck with the mental image of a muff with skull tattoos, smoking a cigar, and saying “yeaaaahhhh…what are YOU lookin’ at, punk?”
that’s one tuff muff!
You are so my hero! That’s priceless!
HEEEEEEEEEEHEEEEEEEEEEEHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! Loves it!
You might as well have turned in Spinal Tap’s Big Bottom:
My baby fits me like a flesh tuxedo
I’d like to sink her with my pink torpedo
I recall also having to turn in lyrics once to show what kind of message songs give kids. So I picked Ozzy’s Suicide Solution. Cause it had a cool riff. I never realized the teacher would think the song promoted suicide instead of being a warning about the effects of abusing alcohol. Like you I guess I was naive enough to think that everyone would get it.
hahahaha !!! OMG !! Would have loved to see the teachers face when you handed this in.
I bet she shit when she read yours to herself. Amazing that she didn’t call your folks to ask what they are letting their kid listen to! Hahaha!
You reminded me of a song issue of my youth. I shall blog this one day soon. Thanks!
Happy Memorial day!
Lois Lane
What, “I want your sex” by George Michael already taken?
HA! Your poor teacher!
LOL!!! Awesome! Nothin’ like scarin’ the teacher. Did anyone write out Van Halen’s lyrics to Hot For Teacher… talk about scaring someone!
I’m not sure I would have gotten the lyrics at a young age either.
I wonder if the teacher got it?
Lisa B~She wasn’t the brightest bulb in the chandelier, but I think she realized there was something “not right” about those lyrics.
Nanner~Ew! She was fugly! As I recall, everyone except me picked tame songs. “In The Living Years” by Mike and the Mechanics, “Rhythm Nation” by Janet Jackson…it was the late 80s, remember.
Jamie~Served her right. She made us study birds. Like Audubon guides. In Gifted English! WTF?
Lois~She would have been in for a surprise, Mom is the one that bought that tape for me after I caught Bruce Dickinson on Headbanger’s Ball one night.
Esther~I don’t think she read them until she took them home that evening. I bet she choked on her coffee.
Vince~You and I both grew up in small communities that had narrow minds when it came to metal. Stupid communities.
Serra~
Seamus~*takes a bow* Vintage Julie, right there.
Bunsen~Thank you for that very disturbing image. It’s kind of like “Dykes on Bikes” when you put it that way.