The Piss Crusader Rides Again July 26, 2006 ~ 10:11 am
Posted by Julie in : Da Cats , trackbackI went out to the opening night of a play last night and to the reception afterwards. When I got home, I thought all was well. The Couch Condom (TM) was clean. From the ambient lighting outside my window, the Bed Condom (likewise (TM)) looked piss-free. I picked up the laptop and cruised the internet for about twenty minutes, then decided to go to bed.
It was when I turned on the lights in the bedroom for the first time since I’d gotten home that I realized the Piss Crusader had struck again. Fortunately the Bed Condom had protected my bed from saturation and kept the Piss Crusader from instant death. As it was, I yelled at him several times during the cleaning process and grabbed him by the scruff of the neck to enforce our little “Come to Jesus” talk. It was all I could do to keep from flinging the little bastard across the room…if there isn’t such a thing as “Shaken Kitty Syndrome,” it’s only because the media doesn’t care about the nation’s felines because I guarantee you people, I can see exactly where such a syndrome would have its roots.
There is nothing like having to clean up cat piss to put a damper on the night. The free mojito that I’d gotten at the reception wore off as I tried desperately to find something to take the smell of ammonia off of the vinyl mattress cover that serves as an all-purpose Condom for Large Furniture (should be (TM)). Because of course, I was out of Nature’s Miracle. Fucking cat is actually lucky he didn’t get launched out the window. He knew it, too. He normally hops right into bed with me but I don’t think he did last night until 4 AM. And he stayed motionless in one spot to avoid my wrath until this morning. Little fucker got his insulin upped this morning, and was told that if he peed on the bed again, he was going to the vet. He’ll be going soon anyway, but there’s nothing like putting the fear of God into him. We’ll see if it works.
In the meantime, my evening plans are shot. I now have to go in search of Nature’s Miracle and clean the house to see if there’s anywhere else he hit. Fucking cat.
Comments
Any clue why he’s doing it?
Serra~It’s the diabetes that is still not under control. But in addition to that, he was probably pissed that I came home for a half an hour last night, gave him a shot, and then left again. He likes attention. Lots of attention. He got it, alright, just not the kind he really wanted (here I’m assuming he wanted to be petted instead of yelled at).
I’m all for booting the cat in the ass. There are many time’s I’ve almost bounced ours off the wall. She can be a little bitch sometimes. You need a basement like I got so you can lock the cat down there.
BTW, since you can never be ready to have a child, you can’t use it as an excuse for not having one. Don’t knock it till you try it. Why should you have all the fun?
Critters’re funny. If I go home after work and then leave again, Gus turns into Gustav the Destroyer. About a week ago he chewed through the back of my armchair… stuffing everywhere. Little f*cker. Even though dogs and cats are different species, they have the same damn spite gene.
Ick, poor you.
No cat flinging please
Vince~My real excuse for not having a child: I can’t cover my own living expenses. I don’t want to add a child on top of that (and don’t give me the “no one can afford a child schpiel, either).
Cooter~Spiteful little bastards, aren’t they? We should leave Jesse and Gus alone on a room and see which one can out spite the other.
Lisa~If I fling the cat, I won’t fling it at you, how’s that?
Yes, my baby became an outside cat when I got tired of her pissing! She’s back inside now, and totally cool. We’ll see how long she lasts!
Julz, you said it! But I agree that you would need a significant upgrade in standard of living to consider reproducing and still living in the City.
So move to the burbs!
This is the part they never tell you about when you get a pet. My cats love chewing on wires. Whenever something on my computer like speakers don’t work anymore, the first thing I check is to see if the wires are still ok. They usually chew it off right behind the connector plugged into the computer
Jamie~Outside cats are not an option in the city, especially since I live beside the off-ramp of the Prospect Expressway. Much as I hate the pissing, I would hate a smashed flat kitty even more.
Vince~I ain’t movin’, mister. This is my hood. I’m stayin’ in the hood.
Esther~Ooooh, that’s bad. Zap. My cats chew on plastic. Plastic bags from the grocery, cellophane, bags of pretzels, whatever. They’re obsessive that way.
aww.. Poor Jessie.. But I know how you feel. How about my cats knocked their food off the counter (where I have to now keep it thanks to my damn neighbors who left their garbage in the hallway for several days and drew the ant farm) and was then infested with ants….can you say pissed? I swear, I can’t drop even a crumb or I’ll have 500 ants in under 2 minutes swarming. Fuckers.. ants and neighbors… Can we say “RAID”? Oh yeah…… die fuckers die! (and yes, I include the neighbors.. can I spray them with Raid and make them die??)