Meditating on the meaning of 29 September 28, 2006 ~ 10:42 am
Posted by Julie in : About a Julz , trackback
Outside of Pittsfield, MA
We’re two days away from the big 2-9 here, and I’m still having problems with it. Not the party, that stuff is settled, at least for the beginning of the night. Friends are coming and it looks like it’s going to be a kickass night. Earlier in the day should be fun, too, since my favorite knitting shop in the city has set up a “Learn to Spin” session just for me. Okay, not just for me, but really, how cool is it that there’s a spinning workshop on my birthday? Finally, someone celebrating it for the holiday that it is!
I think my problem is that I don’t know how to feel about 29. Rick keeps telling me that “age ain’t nothin’ but a number” (obviously because he wants to feel closer to his girlfriend who is, at this moment, 24 years younger than him), but we also live in a society that tells us that 29 is the beginning of the end. Your youth is behind you, grasshopper, and now you are old!! For women, this is especially tough. We’re given all these signals that if we aren’t married with children by this time, there is something wrong with us. It’s better in the big city, where most women aren’t married or mothers by the age of 29, but the subliminal messages are still there. Time is running out! You are going to die unloved and alone and your body will be found weeks later half-eaten by Alsatians. (Yes, I just borrowed freely from Bridget Jones’s Diary there.)
The educated portion of my brain doesn’t buy that. I am in a loving relationship with a wonderful man. I have two great practically step kids whom I love, and who think I’m pretty damn cool in return. But at the same time, I realize that when my mom was 29, she was pregnant with me. And I remember thinking when I was a kid that she was much older than my friends’ parents. She was in her 30s when I was little, for wool’s sake. The only reason she seemed older than my friends’ parents is that they were all products of Beaver County and had their kids in their early 20s. She was so not old. But a little nagging voice in my head says “You are going to be so old when you finally have kids that you won’t be able to play with them.” (Two seconds later, the little nagging voice says, “Wow, I’m glad I don’t have a kid to take care of so I can throw a moody, sit down and have a beer, and be completely anti-social the rest of the night.” My head is a confusing place to live in, and I obviously don’t know how I feel about anything.)
I don’t think I’ve been this thrown off by a birthday since I turned 20. If I could just figure out what 29 means to me, I’d be fine. But I can’t. And apparently my body is just as tangled up about it since my period started this morning and I have the cramps from hell. I know how you feel, body. I know how you feel. So I guess I’ll just keep musing about it…maybe by the time I’m 30 I’ll come to some sort of conclusion.
Comments
shut up. I’ll be 30 in two months.
Shall I send you the AARP card and the Blue Rinse now?
Gah! If you get all the angst out of the way this birthday then 30 will be a piece of cake!!!
Seamus~I’m expecting 30 to be a breeze. It’s 29 that people make sound like the end of the world.
ESC~And you’ll be MARRIED. Society thinks you’re fine.
Wow. I had Em when I was 33. I just turned 39 in July. I still play with her. And no, I’m not married either. Hell, I’m not even in a relationship! But I’m happy from the inside out. Girl, Rick is right. It’s just a number. And I’ve found that the higher I get on the number scale, the happier I am with my life. So keep on truckin’. In another 10 years, you’ll be able to say things like, “I learned to spin 10 years ago, trust me Hon, it’s easy! Here, let me teach you…” (and, you know, other cool stuff).
Deep breath. Now, let it go.
I thought turning 30 was going to be such a crisis. Both the Wife and I were like “eh”. Of course, she had Maverick 3 months after her 30th (first kid) and a week before my 30th, so we were otherwise preoccupied.
I wouldn’t worry about what 29 means to you. Just to give you some numbers:
My best friend (female) got married at 32 and started having kids by 34.
The Wife’s mom was 40 when she was born.
I totally started a new carreer at 34 (meaning start all over again with Wife and 2 kids).
Moral? Forget your age. Are you happy in your personal life and in your career? If so, you’re way ahead of the game. Many people go an entire lifetime without either. Work on being happy with who you are. That’s all that really matters.
You punk-ass, snot-nosed kid you. 29, shit.
Julie, no matter what, you’re a wise, soon-to-be, 29er. What if you, instead, were a naive, accept-what-the-governmental idiots-say, mealy-mouthed 29er? No - you seem to me to be a confident, intelligent, questioning 29er. That’s good. Really good.
When I did get married in my early 20’s my Ma said now I’d have to cut my long hair. I asked why. She said all married women cut their hair as they have no time to take care of long hair. “Bullshit,” I said. I’m now 48, with 49 looming on the winter solstice, and my hair is long and will stay that way (even tho’ I wished it was thicker and would stop producing silver grey strands.)
Keep doing what you’re doing - questioning, investigating, celebrating, and being YOU!
Wait till you hit 59!
Love you and Happy Birthday Julz.
Oh man, I’ve got 33 just around the corner. I don’t know why but when I was 29 I wasn’t thinking about 30 at all, and then suddenly it was upon me and I cracked. The Man said the same thing about 30 just being another number. I told him to suck it, and I started a blog.
If I don’t see you before it happens..
HAPPY SWEET SOMETEENTH BIRTHDAY!!
I know how you feel although 30 was the “weird” one for me. It was like I was turning an age that, when I was 18, seemed so far off yet it snuck up so quickly that I don’t really feel any older than about 21.
I was actually “old” when I got married when compared to my mom and sis. They were both 19/20, I was 25. As for kids, I’ve had people I work with ask me when we are going to have children and to some extent it just kind of pisses me off since it’s not really any of their business and, in a way, it makes me feel pressured. There are days when I think it might be nice to have a little one but at the same time The Englishman and I enjoy our “freedom” and each other. Seeing as my mom was 37 when she had me (my dad 42), I feel we still have time. I know people tend to bring up the point that if you wait that long you will be too old to play with the kids but, in my parents case, I think part of what has kept them young at heart is having children around when they were older.
I guess what I’m trying to get at here is you’re lucky to have what you do as some people don’t even have that. Be happy with where you are and don’t let anyone talk you out of it (tell society to back the fuck off!). You’ve got time to do the things you want to do and if they are meant to be, they will happen.
FD~I think that’s also part of this. When we were kids, 30 seemed like the end. So here I am, one year before that, trying to battle those childhood conceptions of age.
Tot~LOL. That is why you are My People.
Mom~I begin to see why you felt the way you did about your birthday this year…
Jenny~You always make me smile.
(And I’m feeling your pain about the silver strands…I found my first white hair on my 18th birthday. Two weeks ago I looked for it and found I now have five. They’re multiplying, and all right in the center of my forehead so before too long I’m going to have a Bonnie Raitt thing going on.)
Vince~Funny, but new careers don’t bother me. It’s tough, but I figure it’s a part of life. It’s the other stuff. But for the most part, I am fine. And already planning next year’s party.
Aimee~Thank you, Sensei. I mean, Cupcake.
Ahhh, 29!! That was a vintage year for me! I remember it well, it was the year after I turned 28! How cool is that?
I was just going into my second marriage then, lots of good memories! I wish I was 29 again! LOL
Geez, Se7, you had me beat - a second marriage by my age? And I will always remember 29 as “the year after I turned 28″ now. Thanks.
Funny I came across this one today. Allegedly, I’m turning 30.
Last year, in order to not feel bad about my birthday, I took a vacation. Everything was great until I woke up on the morning of my birthday in a Motel 6 with my brother snoring in the other bed, knowing I was flying (to my empty) home in 6 hours. I sobbed.
This year, I’m staying home. In fact, I’m not convinced I’m having a birthday. Maybe we’ll just go from the 8th to the 10th. I’m thinking 31 will be easier to deal with.