The Oldest and I are getting a joint gift for Rick this year…well, actually more of a tag-team gift. I text messaged her the other night to tell her that I had picked up my part of it, and she texted me back that she was looking for her part of it at that exact moment. Then we had the following exchange:
Julie: I can’t wait to see his face when he opens our presents!
Oldest: Oh, god. there is no comparison to his facial expression the time we got him a cat for his birthday.
[Sidenote: I had heard this story before. Shortly after Rick and his Ex divorced, the kids (read, the Ex, since the kids were little) gave him a cat for his birthday. Since Rick didn't want a cat, and in fact had absolutely no desire to ever own a cat, the cat lasted precisely one week before it was shipped back to wherever the hell it came from. Lesson learned: don't buy Rick a pet. Back to the conversation.]
Julie: No, see, he will be HAPPY to open these gifts!
Oldest: R u kidding?! he didn’t know the meaning of happiness until he saw that cat.
Julie: Riiiiiight.
Good thing we’re only getting him fish for Christmas.
(And if I have told you what I’m really getting Rick for Christmas, do not mention it here or I will bust a can of Yule Whoopass on your ass – he reads this, ya know.)

So…it’s catfish????
No, get him piranhas! That would be cool! You could drop chicken legs in there and see them clean it to the bone in seconds!
Or is fish some secret code for something else that will make him smile Christmas morning?
VINCE! Sheesh, you’re so bad…
Vince – If it smells like fish, it ain’t no gift
Puppy, Rick. Puppy.
Aw, c’mon, what man doesn’t want a little pussy under the tree?
Ummm….ohcrap, that sounds bad…
Fish are good – Remember how well he bonded with Anna Nicole?
Mom~I had forgotten about Anna Nicole. But taken out of context, that sounds really dirty.
Serra~And you meant it to, you dirty girl.
Retro~I’ve tried that angle. Do you realize how many dogs we pass on a daily basis in this city? And I’m always like “Oooh, puppy! We should get a puppy!” But no dice.
Gooch~Truer words have never been spoken.
Aimee~You should EVER talk.
Vince~Dude, it does not smell like fish. And pirhanas are boring, I’ve seen them in the aquarium.
Seamus~Dogfish.
I know, I know!
Bwahahahahahahahaha
Julz, didn’t mean to imply that it did. I’m sure you smell very sweet.
Aimee, yes I am.
Get him an Alpaca.