EvilJulie.com

It’s time to play that bi-annual game “How much money will Julie drop at the dentist’s office, and how much will her crap dental plan actually reimburse her?” I know you guys love that as much as I do. Well, probably more, since you don’t have to pay with your own money.

At any rate, tonight’s visit to Skippy includes x-rays, which should bump the price up and maybe, just maybe, the amount I am reimbursed as well.

Send out “no drill” vibes for me, will ya? After last year’s “Wow, this could be a root canal! Oh, no, not quite. But it’s really huge!” cavity, I could do without seeing a drill for a very very long time.

I have set myself up for a fun time next week – doctor’s visits the first three days. Monday, Joe goes to the vet at 5 to get his blood drawn to see if he’s on the right level of medication for his thyroid. He hates the vet. Tuesday, I go to my OB-GYN for my annual check-up at 5:15. I hate the stirrups. Wednesday, I go to the dentist for my cleaning and annual x-rays at 5:15. I don’t hate Skippy personally, but I hate going to the dentist’s office. It always costs me a shitload of money, and it does not make me happy. However, the cavity the size of Manhattan that I had last year convinced me of the value of preventative dentistry, so off to see Skippy I will go. I’m hoping it’s an easy in-and-out, and then I can go to Stitch n Bitch in the Slope. Keep your fingers crossed for me. I should also make an appointment to see my eye doctor sometime soon, but I just can’t bear the thought of another doctor right now.

The cold gets better at a snail’s pace. I’m back to work today, and I biked here which was a little stupid. I was exhausted when I got here, and I went at an easy pace the whole way. Perhaps I’m not as healthy as I thought. The fresh air has to be good for me, though, right?

And that about sums up my life right now.

I’m going to be leaving work a bit early today after I get a project done, head to the drugstore for medication, head to the grocery for OJ, and head to the vet for medicine for Joe, and then I am going to hibernate. I will call out for food, and I will lay around tonight and tomorrow (I had the day off anyway) so that by the time I need to go to Madison Square Garden to see the Police tomorrow night, I will be happy or at least less miserable. And then I have an off-campus meeting on Thursday, so it’s important that I’m feeling better for that.

Wish me luck…

Especially when you have to proof the Commencement program galleys by 5 PM on Friday.  And you have a show opening.  And a new cat who needs to be socialized.  And a mother coming in late Friday night with Piss Crusader in tow for the weekend.  And a dress rehearsal tonight.

Yeah.

Hey, remember how I had wax in my left ear last week? It’s gone!

Yeah, that’s the good news part of this. The bad news is that I went to the doctor’s office after work today, and apparently I have pus in that ear. Right where the one doc scratched it last week when he was trying to take out said wax. I’ve discovered that as long as I don’t think about what pus in my ear would actually look like? It’s kind of funny. You can use it in jokes. Like when your boyfriend calls and says “Are you listening with your good ear?” you can say “Which one is that? The one that still has wax in it? Or the one that now has pus in it?”. Okay, maybe that’s only funny to me.

Also? I have “a really bad case of TMJ” (that was the official diagnosis). Hooray! That’s what I’ve always wanted! Arthritis in my JAW!! Woohoo! I can’t fucking contain my joy. Now pass the bite guard and the ibuprofin. But at least that pain in my jaw has been explained. I think. Seriously, if I have to get a fuckin’ root canal on top of this? I’m gonna start wondering how I pissed off the universe so badly. It’s gotten to the point where when someone asks me “How have you been?” I either lie or say “You don’t want to know.” I would run through it all, but that would smack way too much of a pity party.

But hey, it’s gotta get better from here, right? I mean, I felt my godbaby kick for the first time tonight, and that was pretty cool. Kid’s gonna be a fuckin’ soccer player or Rockette by the feel of it. He/she does not like you to crowd on his/her space. I can empathize, little baby, I really can.  Because this morning?  My period  started.

Due to a wax buildup in my left ear, I’ve been mostly deaf on that side for nigh on three weeks. At first, it was mildly annoying, but I could deal with it. I wasn’t even telling people, because I could work around it. When we passed the one week mark, it got really fucking annoying: while I’m basically okay in office and home settings, if I go out to a bar, fuhgeddaboudit. I was reduced to relying on the lip-reading skills I learned watching Bill Cowher on the sidelines of Steelers games, and while this covers a whole host of obscenities, other words are totally missing. For instance, the night that Sloth and the Retropolitan and I went out, if they were cursing at me, I could understand them. “Where’s the ladies room?” Not so much. Especially when Retro asked it.

Now we have passed really fucking annoying and are into “Why don’t I have claws so I could just remove this wax plug myself?” I have tried ear candling in the past, but this time it’s not doing anything for me. I’ve been using drops. Granted, the first drops I used apparently expired in 2005 so that could explain why they weren’t so effective. I bought new drops last night and have used them twice. We’ll see how that pans out.

One of my friends at Stitch n Bitch last night suggested that I go see her ENT guy. I know that at this point, that is what a sane, sensible person would do. It’s not normal to have a wax buildup in your ear for three weeks, and the next thing you know I’m gonna have an ear infection because who the hell knows what kind of bacteria is building up in there? But at the same time, part of me is thinking “Why would I pay someone $20 to do something I should be able to do myself?” Even if my friend does describe the process as “a little eargasm,” $20? Do you know what else I could buy with $20? Me neither, but I am so sure I could find something good.

So until I come to terms with the heretofore unknown Scottish side of my personality, someone pass me an earhorn. And get off my damn lawn, you kids!