The Audacity of Hope November 5, 2008 ~ 1:04 pm
Posted by Julie in : Deep Thoughts, Politically Incorrect , comments closedRick would like you all to know that he was calling an Obama landslide three days ago. I would like you to know that I was making him knock on wood every time he said it.
I was cautious about this election. After getting kicked in the teeth the past two elections, I was skeptical that we wouldn’t see a third stolen election. I made nervous jokes yesterday that it was going to be historic one way or another: either we would have our first black President or we would have a country that was rioting because a third election had been stolen. I knew Barack Obama has what it takes, I’ve been saying it since before the primaries. And I knew the polling numbers were high, but I can’t trust numbers entirely. What I didn’t trust was that certain people in power wouldn’t try to steal another one. My faith in Barack was complete. My faith in the system, in tatters.
But last night, seeing first Pennsylvania go blue (yay for those calls I made to PA from the phonebank on Sunday!), and then Ohio (yay for the calls I made to OH last week!)…I knew something was happening. I felt hope surging through me like electricity. I turned to Lori, who is from Ohio, and said “Oh, look at the TV! Your state is BLUE!!!” and we went nuts. I left the party I was at shortly thereafter and went to the Upper West Side to watch the end of the night with Rick and the girls. We had sent the Youngest to bed shortly before 11, but the Oldest and one of her friends were watching TV with us at 11 when the polls on the West Coast closed. At first we all misread the title on MSNBC, and I remember saying “He’s the projected winner of what? Which state?” and then Rick said “He’s the projected winner of the ELECTION.” All hell broke lose, and we ran out onto the balcony to hear the sounds of New York City going nuts around us. Cheers, screams, horns honking, pots and pans banging together, and we were screaming right back at everyone.
The calls started pouring in then, and in the middle of it I saw a shot of Jesse Jackson crying and thought about how much this must mean to him. I heard a black man say that now he can tell his son that the boy could grow up to be President and not be lying anymore. And when Jordana called, I burst into tears because I thought of Samang, our little girl who is half white American and half black African, just like Barack. Jordana put the baby on the phone, and with tears streaming down my face I said “Little girl, you’re not going to remember it, but this is an important night. You can grow up to be President if you want to. You can do anything.”
This morning, I woke up with a smile on my face. There is work ahead of us. A lot of work. And I think you could see that realization in Obama’s smile last night. But I’m hopeful again. After eight years, the nightmare of Dubya is almost over, and we’ve got a smart, caring, thoughtful man as our future president. I hope he knows that his volunteer “army” as the press calls us, is still out here for him. Supporting him, and ready for him to tell us what to do next. Because this campaign has taught us that we can be an active part of this government, that our voices will be heard, and I think we all want to continue in that great work. We’re waiting, President Obama. Just let us know what you need.
Chrysalis September 11, 2008 ~ 8:02 am
Posted by Julie in : About a Julz, Deep Thoughts, In Da Hood , comments closedSeven is a mythical number in the world, and seven years is an almost mythical amount of time. In the Bible, Joseph forsaw seven years of bumper crops followed by seven years of famine for Egypt. There’s seven years bad luck if you break a mirror. You supposedly get a seven year itch after enough time with one person (hmmm…I’ll think about that next year).
Seven years ago today, I did a lot of growing up in a hurry. When I woke up, I was almost 24 and relatively carefree. My coursework for my MFA was over, I was about to give up my part-time job at Some College to be a temp in the city so I could focus on dramaturgy, and all I was thinking about on my commute in to work on September 11, 2001 was how blue the sky was and how good the music on my CD player sounded. The next hours changed my life forever. I tried desperately to find out where my friends were, since such a large number of them were in and around the WTC that day. Eventually I learned that they were all safe, a miracle that even today blows my mind. That we all made it through, with only varying amounts of mental scarring depending upon where we were and what we saw/heard/felt…we were very lucky although at times over the years it hasn’t always felt like that. I was emotionally numb for days, weeks, months. The temp jobs in the city dried up, and I took my current full-time job at Some College to pay the bills. I think my artistic career has been one of the casualties of 9/11 as surely as anything else: although I do get to work as a dramaturg in fits and starts, having a 9-5 job means that I don’t get to work on shows that rehearse during those hours. 9/11 did not kill my artistic life, but it stunted it and redirected it greatly, and it’s taking a lot of work, thought, and planning to get it back to where I feel it should be (not there yet).
September 11, 2001 also put my friends and I on the path to what I call our “wild year,” the year where five of us were out drinking almost every night of the week, curled up in one dive bar or another, and sleeping on each others’ couches before running off to work the next morning. There was so much hurt to get through, so many things that we wanted to say but discovered we weren’t ready to talk about, but kept trying to get out anyway…and we were no different from anyone else. Young New York had its very own Lost Generation that year, and as we looked at the tables around us we saw faces so similar to our own trying to find an escape or at the very least some peace through laughter, alcohol, and nicotine. Eleven months after 9/11, I started dating Rick and started to emerge from that hard shell I had put up to protect myself from the hurt. Seven years after 9/11, I think I’m down to the last few layers. And what have I turned into because of this? I still have no idea.
So today, for those of you in the rest of the country and the rest of the planet: know that the living victims of 9/11, which I believe includes everyone who had their hometown or place of work hit by a plane on that beautiful day seven years ago, even those who didn’t lose anyone in the blasts…just know that we’re making it through the other side. And thank you for all of your thoughts for us over the years.
5 September September 5, 2008 ~ 10:38 am
Posted by Julie in : Deep Thoughts , comments closedWe all know I don’t let this date pass without some commemoration. Today would have been Freddie Mercury’s 62nd birthday - happy birthday, Freddie. Still miss you terribly, but I trust you’re throwing one hell of a party in the afterlife and that makes me smile.
Send out good vibes for Aimee October 25, 2007 ~ 10:48 am
Posted by Julie in : Deep Thoughts , comments closedI just got a phone call from ESC, telling me that Aimee’s dad is in the hospital having emergency surgery. There’s a post over at Aimee’s blog telling what’s happening, at least as far as anyone knows at this point. Aimee’s family has been having a really crap year, and they really didn’t need something else to add to it. Send out some good thoughts, wishes, prayers, whatever, that her dad makes it through this okay.
ETA: I just talked to Aimee, and they still don’t know exactly what is going on. Her dad is still in surgery, and no one has come out to tell them anything. We’re not sure if this is good news (maybe they found something and are fixing it) or not, but she could really use all the love you can send her way. The family is all flying in, so she will be surrounded by them soon, but I think that she could use the support of her blog family as well.
ETA again: He’s out of surgery now - they found and repaired a quarter-sized perforation in his stomach. They think the perforation was a response to a neurological issue - he’s non-responsive right now.
ETA 3:22 PM EST: Aimee’s dad has woken up and is able to respond with nods to questions. He’s still intubated and pretty drugged up, but he’s definitely responding to them now - this is apparently huge for an ICU patient. Keep sending out the good vibes!!
Brigid in Cyberspace February 2, 2007 ~ 2:43 pm
Posted by Julie in : Deep Thoughts , comments closedI mentioned in the last post that this is Imbolc. I forgot to say that this festival also celebrates the goddess Brigid, who among other things is associated with poetry. Because of that, today is the Second Annual Brigid in Cyberspace Silent Poetry Reading, which you can read about here. Here’s the poem I picked, one that has stayed with me since I first read it in college and one that I think of whenever I fly somewhere.
“High Flight”
Oh! I have slipped the surly bonds of earth
And danced the skies on laughter-silvered wings;
Sunward I’ve climbed, and joined the tumbling mirth
Of sun-split clouds - and done a hundred things
You have not dreamed of - wheeled and soared and swung
High in the sunlit silence. Hov’ring there
I’ve chased the shouting wind along, and flung
My eager craft through footless halls of air.
Up, up the long delirious, burning blue,
I’ve topped the windswept heights with easy grace
Where never lark, or even eagle flew -
And, while with silent lifting mind I’ve trod
The high untresspassed sanctity of space,
Put out my hand and touched the face of God.
- Pilot Officer Gillespie Magee, No 412 squadron, RCAF, killed 11 December 1941
It’s Groundhog Day! February 2, 2007 ~ 10:21 am
Posted by Julie in : Deep Thoughts , comments closedYou know you just said that in a Bill Murray voice, don’t deny it.
It’s amazing how much the little rodent not seeing his shadow this morning has raised my spirits. I know we haven’t had a particularly cold or snowy winter in this part of the States, but the coming of spring always makes me happy. When I was a freshman in college, I had a particularly awful first bout of Seasonal Affective Disorder/anxiety attacks that almost incapacitated me before I got medication for it. The only thing that got me through was counting down the days to Spring Break, and in some form or another I have always held onto that habit.
Becoming Wiccan really helped with the need to countdown to Spring. All of the Pagan holidays are about the progression of seasons, and today, Imbolc, is one of my favorites. The Goddess has given birth to the Sun God and is recovering - in other words, it’s still winter, but we know that Spring and the Sun are returning to us. The days are getting longer, and it’s no longer dark when we leave work. The signs of Spring are here, whether the groundhog sees them or not. Since I’ve learned all this? Julie is a happy little Pagan. I hope you’re just as happy today.
Happy Yule! December 21, 2006 ~ 3:56 pm
Posted by Julie in : Craftiness Is Next To Godliness, Deep Thoughts , comments closed
Mulberry hibernates ~ Lake Hill, NY
Today is one of my favorite holidays for the whole year: Yule, or the Winter Solstice. Today is the shortest day of the year. Tomorrow, even though we won’t notice it, the light starts coming back a little each day. To someone who struggles with Seasonal Affective Disorder as I do, the knowledge that we’re getting an extra tiny little bit of precious sunlight is manna from heaven. It’s something to hold onto when it seems like it’s been dark outside forever. In reality, I think that’s what all of the holidays this time are about: the return of the light, and the presence of it even in the darkness. That’s really why we throw ourselves into the whole “decorate your house in a blinding array of Christmas lights” thing. To stave off the darkness. That’s why I leave my Christmas lights up far after Little Christmas is over - because winter without the lights is just too bleak for my tastes.
Tonight, to celebrate the Solstice, Jordana and I are going to a Solstice party at our favorite yarn store in the city. There will be wine, food, singing, and lots and lots of yarn. And who can pass up that kind of a celebration?
Happy Solstice, everyone.
A Much-Missed Voice of Reason December 8, 2006 ~ 1:18 pm
Posted by Julie in : Deep Thoughts, Shorty , comments closedA short post today, because everything I could say about this man is not nearly enough. We miss you, John.
Growing up December 5, 2006 ~ 7:00 pm
Posted by Julie in : Deep Thoughts , comments closedSaturday my friend Jordana and I were sitting around, kicking stories back and forth for our book, and somehow got to talking about our friend Jessie, who became a mother a week and a half ago. Jordana said that she had seen Jessie and she looked radiant and the baby was adorable. I said “And now you really want one, right?” because I knew that she and Thabs had been talking about it. She replied, “Well, a bit more than that.” “You’re pregnant?!?” I said in disbelief. She nodded, and I shrieked. At least I guess I shrieked, because the other people in the coffeehouse looked at me funny. She then told me that she was just past three months and had wanted to tell me for ages, but there’s that whole superstition about not saying anything before the first timester was over. And that I was the first person outside the family she’d told, and would I think about being the baby’s godmother?
Would I? What the hell kind of a stupid question was that? Of course I would. I even cried a little. I haven’t cried for joy like that…well, since the Steelers won the Super Bowl last year.
Somehow, I feel like we’re crossing a bridge here. One of my best friends from college, Dawn, is due to have her first child on January 7. Jordana is due in early June. My friends are having babies and I guess we’re growing up.
One could say at this point (and I know that one of you will) “But Rick has kids! This isn’t exactly a new thing.” One would be right, in a sense. One would be an unsufferable git in another sense and completely missing the point. Yes, Rick has kids. Those kids were born when I was 14 and 17, respectively. It’s not quite the same as when people your own age start having kids. I have a friend who had a child when she was 20, but that didn’t feel the same, either. We all knew she was young to be having a kid. There was no judgement, but neither was there a sense that “Hey, the rest of us could just as easily be mothers.” The two women who are pregnant now are old friends of mine. They have been through some intense years of change with me, and I’m close to them as a result. And the fact that I am now old enough to be a godmother? That means that HOLY SHIT, I’m old enough to be a mother.
Do not EVEN start. That is SO not going to happen any time soon.
My first act as godmother will be to get my godbaby a good book for bedtime reading. This is the book: Why Mommy Is a Democrat. Hey, part of being a godparent is looking out for the kid and helping to raise it to be a good person. Well, this baby is going to be raised right left!
Money Makes the World Go Around September 26, 2006 ~ 10:14 am
Posted by Julie in : About a Julz, Deep Thoughts , comments closed
Berry Pond ~ Pittsfield, MA
We are, as of Thursday, exactly two weeks away from my new contract kicking in. This means that on October 12, Julie will be getting a nice big check that includes retro pay from the past four years. Well, sorta. 2% of the raise apparently goes right into my union’s welfare fund and we never see it. And since the retro pay and the regular paycheck are combined into one, I’m going to get slammed on taxes. Hopefully I’ll see some of it back in February…I can never remember if I’m supposed to have my Withholding set to ‘0′ or ‘1′ to get that. Anyway, the retro money is going to be used to pay down (or maybe off, depending on how much I get) my credit card bills. I keep telling myself that this is the responsible way to be, that if I pay off the credit cards I’ll have more money every month and I will be able to afford that new 80 GB iPod soon. Julie does not like being responsible when she wants a new fun toy, so this is also a test of willpower. It kinda sucks.
I was thinking a few weekends back what a luxury it must be to have all the money you need to pay off bills each month and then money leftover to buy things that you want without even thinking about it. I’ve never had that kind of money. I’ll grant you, I have enough cash to make more than the minimum payment on my credit cards and pay the utilities, the rent, and the student loan payment with a bit left over, but I blow through that bit left over like no one’s business. I like to buy new books. I enjoy getting new clothes. I hit yarn stores fairly regularly. I even cop to going to the drugstore to get fun toiletries like John Frieda Vibrant Red color glaze. But in the grand scheme of things, these are little. What would it be like to be able to buy furniture if I wanted it, without having to forego my little expenditures? I’ve been needing a new dresser and nightstand for ages, but I don’t have the money necessary to get them. So, like most people, I go without the bigger items.
I know that if I lived anywhere in the country but New York City, my salary would allow me to have the luxuries. I would be able to buy a house, a car, all sorts of things. But I love where I live too much to leave it. This is a city where if you make less than $50K, you’re below the poverty line. I can’t think of one person I know in New York who makes $50K (okay, wait, I can, but she doesn’t count since she’s not a friend, merely someone I have to associate with on occasion). Several of us (myself included) are closing in on it, but we’re not there yet. Is it because we don’t have the extra money that we view it as security? It’s not all-consuming for me, since I do have a certain amount of disposable income, but I do spend a decent amount of time thinking about it. I know I’m not alone on this one, since many of us are living paycheck to paycheck and/or in debt.
What do you guys think about this? Is money security for you, or could you care less? What would do if you had all the money necessary for bills and a lot left over every month? Would you spend it? Put it in savings? Invest? What?
