EvilJulie.com

You know you just said that in a Bill Murray voice, don’t deny it.

It’s amazing how much the little rodent not seeing his shadow this morning has raised my spirits. I know we haven’t had a particularly cold or snowy winter in this part of the States, but the coming of spring always makes me happy. When I was a freshman in college, I had a particularly awful first bout of Seasonal Affective Disorder/anxiety attacks that almost incapacitated me before I got medication for it. The only thing that got me through was counting down the days to Spring Break, and in some form or another I have always held onto that habit.

Becoming Wiccan really helped with the need to countdown to Spring. All of the Pagan holidays are about the progression of seasons, and today, Imbolc, is one of my favorites. The Goddess has given birth to the Sun God and is recovering – in other words, it’s still winter, but we know that Spring and the Sun are returning to us. The days are getting longer, and it’s no longer dark when we leave work. The signs of Spring are here, whether the groundhog sees them or not. Since I’ve learned all this? Julie is a happy little Pagan. I hope you’re just as happy today.

Saturday my friend Jordana and I were sitting around, kicking stories back and forth for our book, and somehow got to talking about our friend Jessie, who became a mother a week and a half ago. Jordana said that she had seen Jessie and she looked radiant and the baby was adorable. I said “And now you really want one, right?” because I knew that she and Thabs had been talking about it. She replied, “Well, a bit more than that.” “You’re pregnant?!?” I said in disbelief. She nodded, and I shrieked. At least I guess I shrieked, because the other people in the coffeehouse looked at me funny. She then told me that she was just past three months and had wanted to tell me for ages, but there’s that whole superstition about not saying anything before the first timester was over. And that I was the first person outside the family she’d told, and would I think about being the baby’s godmother?

Would I? What the hell kind of a stupid question was that? Of course I would. I even cried a little. I haven’t cried for joy like that…well, since the Steelers won the Super Bowl last year.

Somehow, I feel like we’re crossing a bridge here. One of my best friends from college, Dawn, is due to have her first child on January 7. Jordana is due in early June. My friends are having babies and I guess we’re growing up.

One could say at this point (and I know that one of you will) “But Rick has kids! This isn’t exactly a new thing.” One would be right, in a sense. One would be an unsufferable git in another sense and completely missing the point. Yes, Rick has kids. Those kids were born when I was 14 and 17, respectively. It’s not quite the same as when people your own age start having kids. I have a friend who had a child when she was 20, but that didn’t feel the same, either. We all knew she was young to be having a kid. There was no judgement, but neither was there a sense that “Hey, the rest of us could just as easily be mothers.” The two women who are pregnant now are old friends of mine. They have been through some intense years of change with me, and I’m close to them as a result. And the fact that I am now old enough to be a godmother? That means that HOLY SHIT, I’m old enough to be a mother.

Do not EVEN start. That is SO not going to happen any time soon.

My first act as godmother will be to get my godbaby a good book for bedtime reading. This is the book: Why Mommy Is a Democrat. Hey, part of being a godparent is looking out for the kid and helping to raise it to be a good person. Well, this baby is going to be raised right left!

“I believe that it will be celebrated by succeeding generations as the great anniversary festival,” John Adams wrote his wife, Abigail. “It ought to be celebrated by pomp and parade, with shows, games, sports, guns, bells, bonfires, and illuminations from one end of this continent to the other, from this time forward, forever more.”

John was a little off, as the day he was referring to was July 2, the day that the Second Continental Congress approved the Lee Resolution: “Resolved, That these United Colonies are, and of right ought to be, free and independent States, that they are absolved from all allegiance to the British Crown, and that all political connection between them and the State of Great Britain is, and ought to be, totally dissolved.” I guess we can’t blame him, who the hell would have thought it would take another two days to produce a final draft of a Declaration of Independence? (Really, who would have predicted that argument over deep sea fishing rights?)

I think about the men who debated and signed that Declaration 230 years ago. I think, as I sit in shorts and a tank top in my airconditioned living room, about how they sweltered in their heavy clothes in July, most of the time with the windows shut so no one could hear that they were discussing treason. I think about their different backgrounds and different concerns, and how they were able to pull together and create a new country. I think about the army they created out of common men, and how those common men through sheer willpower rose up and beat the most powerful military force in the world. And I think about what has happened in the 230 years since they declared our independence from King George III. Would those men be happy with the direction their fledgling country has taken? I think for large parts of our history, the answer would be yes. I think that for the last 6 years, the answer would be no. What did they start all those years ago? What is America? View full article »

Bear torture ~ W. 44th St.

There are so many things tumbling through my head lately. Posts, half-posts, partial-posts, non-posts. Thoughts about my future, my career, what the hell I’m doing with my life (or not doing, as the case may be). If we’ve been given talents (and I do believe I’ve been given several, call me vain), then isn’t it our responsibility to use them? It’s so easy to drift through life and just let things happen to you – that’s how I’ve gotten this far in life. Opportunities seem to drop in my lap when I need them, and although I do work to make things happen I have this nagging feeling that I don’t work hard enough. It’s something that I think about often, my coasting through life.

I was listening to Queen this weekend and it hit me: two months after Freddie Mercury turned 29, Queen released A Night At the Opera. That means when he was my age, he was composing and recording “Bohemian Rhapsody.” Can you fucking imagine that, bringing that masterpiece into being at age 28? And by that point, Queen had already released three other albums. It’s inspiring, and it sets a high bar for anyone who wants to do something with their talent. And here I sit at a desk, graduating students who don’t understand what a diploma means. That’s sobering.

I had a dream shortly before my 22nd birthday, in which I was in a limo with Joe Elliott and Freddie Mercury, and we were talking about careers. Right before I woke up, Joe said to me “There will be plenty of time to sit still later. Now’s the time to excel.” I got the tattoo I have, a merging of Def Leppard cover art, to remind me of that dream. Now I have to act on it.

Well, I planned to write this at the exact moment of the Solstice, which according to my Queer Eye For the Straight Guy daily calendar was 1:35 PM, but at that moment I was working on knitting my first sock. So, plan B. I write this as it starts to get dark.

It’s the Winter Solstice, ladies and gents. It is the shortest day of the year, the longest night of the year. Rick wished me a “Happy First Day of Winter” earlier, but given how much I hate winter, I corrected him. I told him to wish me a Happy Solstice or a Happy Yule. Because those two words mean that it’s always darkest before the dawn. No matter how cold it gets from here on out, tomorrow starts the return of the light. Each day will get a little longer. And while the cold irritates me to no end, I think the real reason my temper is on a short leash is the lack of daylight. I am stuck in an office while the sun shines, and I resent coming home in the dark. But after today, minute by minute, my friend the light will return.

Blessed be.