EvilJulie.com

This is where I spent Saturday.  Right underneath those observation towers that doubled as UFOs in Men in Black.  And I do mean under.  I was at Queens Theatre in the Park for a reading, and while the ground floor of that institution is above ground (thus the name “ground floor”) the theater spaces?  Underground.  I did not see sunlight after I entered the building at 12:15.  Hell, I didn’t see outside again until about 11 last night, when the reading and the talkback were over.  The people at QTiP (hehehe…q-tip) were very nice, they kept all of us participating in the reading well fed and watered (they have these things catered for the talent, since there is NOWHERE to buy food out there), they paid me at the end of the day (woohoo!  $35!  That sounds mean, but this is the first time I have ever been paid for being part of a reading, so I was truly excited.), and most importantly, I got to hear the play I’m going to be dramaturging in March out loud for the first time in over a year.

I’ve been reading various versions of this script for a month now, and while it’s looking tighter and the playwright (my boss at the theatre where I’m resident dramaturg) has incorporated a lot of my suggestions, it’s always different than you thought when you first hear it out loud.  Things that you thought were clear?  Not so much.  Things that you weren’t sure about?  Go down a storm.  In spite of losing an entire day of my weekend, this was totally worthwhile.  Can’t wait to go into rehearsals and start tweaking.  Aboveground, where we can see the sunlight on our breaks.

Subtitled: “How I made Moliere More Controversial Than He’s Been Since He Died”

Part of the deal when I work at a dramaturg at some theaters is that I have to write a study guide. Many schools around the city take advantage of lower-priced tickets to plays to supplement their arts programs. They bring students to see shows and most likely a talkback with the cast and crew of a show. To prepare them, I write a little historical background on the play, the playwright, some of the themes of the play, etc. I gear it towards high school students, because they are usually the ones who come. This week, we got fifth graders.

The study guide wasn’t geared towards fifth graders. I talked about the Cold War, and not being able to be buried in sacred ground because Moliere was an actor, and coughing up blood on stage (which Moliere did, only hours before he died, as he performed the lead in The Imaginary Invalid). I also made mention that Moliere’s later life and plays were controversial. Tartuffe ignited all kinds of fury because some priests/pastors/what-have-you couldn’t see that it was making fun of hypocrites who practice religion for their own selfish gain, not making fun of religion itself. And I wrote a sentence about Moliere’s wife being rumored by his detractors to have married his own daughter. I was trying to show the lengths to which people were going to try to wreck his career. The daughter thing is probably entirely apocryphal. It has nothing to do with The Bourgeois Gentleman. I was just commenting on the mans life, and critics were very much a part of that. That being said…high schoolers would have gotten a bang out of it. It would have been a discussion point, possibly. It was not on a fifth grade level! But people should have known that the second they saw the analogy between France’s relationship with the Ottoman Empire in the 17th Century and US/USSR relations during the Cold War. Fifth graders wouldn’t get that, either.

So on Wednesday when the cast went to the school to meet with the kids, they were expecting high schoolers, too. Big shock to see the little kids, presentation had to be entirely re-worked on the spot. And afterwards the principal calls my director into his office to discuss the study guide, and how parents are worried because it said Moliere married his daughter (newsflash, I said “it was rumored that the young woman was his daughter”) and some of them didn’t want their kids to see the performance.

Well, fuck. I get my director sent to the principal’s office and make Moliere the most controversial playwright these fifth graders have ever heard of. Go me. But seriously, am I alone in thinking that someone should have read these study guides before distributing them? Whether it was the Education Coordinator at the theater or the teachers, you always read something you’re handing out. It’s just irresponsible not to. I take some of the blame, but not all of it. But I do want a button that says “I Caused The 5th Grade Moliere Scare”.

Because it makes you remember the true meaning of “company”. Last night I decided to go to see “The Bourgeois Gent” again. When I got there, the house manager was running a little short on hands, so I took over concessions. Then I noticed our director making several trips to the dressing rooms. This is not normal…normally he leaves the actors alone pre-show to let them get ready. After I closed the concession stand and we went up to our seats for the start of the show, he tells me what’s wrong…

Apparently one of our chorus members, who is onstage for the first 30 minutes of the show and starts off the show with her singing, has been puking up her guts for the past half hour. She isn’t going on. Our stage manager is going on in her place. Who’s in the booth, running the cues? The house manager. Well, who’s going to make the curtain speech? The Artistic Director, who has just been called back – he was on his way home. I got promoted to ASM (we normally don’t have one, but the Stage Manager couldn’t strike props at intermission in costume). And of course, we had a reviewer in the house. So the whole situation was explained to said reviewer, who stuck it out with us. And the curtain speech explained the situation to the audience. And we started.

Let me just tell you, I have never been so proud of and impressed by a group of actors. They had to rearrange musical numbers with almost no notice, re-choreographing several of them on the spot. Our stage manager, who does not like to be in any kind of spotlight, went out on stage and sang and acted her heart out. We had a bit of a rocky start, but they were troopers and won the audience entirely over. And because they were trying so hard to cover, they were selling it in a way they never had before. It was one of our best performances so far.

Of course, something had to jinx it. After coming off stage, the stage manager ran into a wall (not as hard to do as it seems), and when I last saw her had a lump the size of a golf ball coming in over her left eye. She does not respond well to being called “Lumpy,” even though the Artistic Director and I found it hysterical (of course, the AD is also the one who, when he found out my mom is a nurse, asked if I had ever said “Mom, I need milk. Stat!”).

Hopefully our chorus member just had food poisoning and it’s through her system now. Hopefully if she didn’t, our choreographer can fill in the role tonight. Hopefully if that doesn’t happen, our stage manager’s lump has gone down and she can see out of her left eye and can go on stage. Because if none of the above happen, guess who will be making her off-Broadway debut tonight? That’s right. Me. Keep your fingers crossed this doesn’t happen.

And give a mental round of applause, if you would, for my cast and crew, who are wonderful and deserving of glowing reviews and everlasting fame.