Category: Rants


Seafood Eaters, Redux

Filed Under: Rants by Julie — 12 Comments
May 10, 2007

And the barrage that is Spring 2007 continues…

I got a call from my bank about an hour ago asking me if I had spent a couple of hundred dollars on the internet last night buying software from some company in France.  Um, no.  But that would explain why my card was declined last night at the pet store in Park Slope when I knew I had extra money in there because I am paying off a credit card this month.

So we are embroiled in part deux of something I would not wish on my worst enemy: identity theft of a debit card number.  You may remember that a little under two years ago my debit card number was stolen and used to charge a shitload of seafood in Maryland, some gas, and oh yeah, a trip to TJ Maxx.  I have talked to the bank again and because I raised some hell (I may have used the words “This is the second time this has happened while I’ve had an account at your bank!”) my new card is set to arrive on Tuesday, so I shouldn’t run into bill paying problems.  Landlady has just confirmed that she will be home to sign for it, and told me that she had the same thing happen to her once.  I will have to sign an affadavit that I didn’t spend the money and fax it back to them, just like last time, in order to get the money refunded, but that is doable.

The worst part of this whole thing is trying to remember which internet sites have the card so that I can remember to change the card numbers over to the new one.  Because you all know I pay everything on the internet.  I also have to backtrack and see which card I used to order the yarn and spinning wheel bag off the internet yesterday and the day before…okay, yarn was on another card, spinning wheel bag was…fuck.  On the stolen card.  Just called them, gave them another card number to use.  Stupid French software buyers, trying to keep me from my spinning wheel bag!

See, in addition to being violated by some person with a penchant for Frenchy software, I now have to go through the hassle of going through all my transactions and “fixing” them.  I hate this.  Especially when I only have $10 in my wallet.  Fuuuck.

So glad I had already taken today off.  Now I’m going to take a bike ride down to Coney Island, because dammit, I need to relax.  Here’s a moment of Zen for you all…I don’t know about the rest of you, but I need it:

Joe with dust

Joe likes ponies too.  And picking up lint with his fur.

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State of Delusion

Filed Under: Politically Incorrect, Rants by Julie — 18 Comments
January 23, 2007

Sometimes I wonder what country President Asshat lives in, because it sure ain’t the one I’m in. Tonight he declared that inflation is low and the economy is great. I’m sure that’s true for the wealthy robber barons, but for those of us in the middle? Not so much. Employment rates being high because people are getting jobs at Wal-Mart is not the same as employment rates being high because people are getting good, steady jobs with decent pay. I also had to laugh at Asshat deciding now that we’re going to have a balanced budget. Now, after he’s wasted more money than a kid in a candy store. Did you see the shot of Hillary while he was spewing this bullshit? You could just tell she was thinking “When my husband was President, we had a balanced budget. Hell, we had a surplus! But you took care of that, didn’t you?”

I’m also continually impressed by how fully Asshat believes in the lies he’s told. Putting 20,000 more troops in the field was the course of action chosen because “it has the best chance of success.” Um, no, it was chosen because you can’t admit that you were wrong. By fighting the war in Iraq, we’re making sure terrorists don’t have “new safe havens, new recruits, new resources.” Funny, because I think that’s exactly what they’ve gained out of this whole thing. This is a “generational struggle” that will continue long after we all turn our duties over to others. Yep, it’s just like I thought, you can’t figure a way out so you’re gonna leave it for the next guy. Good job.

There was also a “read between the lines” section of the speech with regards to Iran. Apparently Shi’a and Sunni are bad and funded by Iran. So does this mean we have free reign to attack first Iran, and then the whole Muslim world? Because as far as I know, Shi’as and Sunnis make up all but a very tiny portion of Islam. So if they’re both bad, then we’re attacking everyone, right? Especially if they’re funded by Iran.

Things that disturbed me about the speech tonight, because typical of Asshat, he mentioned it briefly and then went on without really explaining it:

- The new health care plan where we all put money back and don’t have to pay taxes on it. This sounds like same shit, different day. My health insurance is not great. I have friends whose health insurance blows. I have someone very close to me with no health insurance whatsoever. But even with all that, I am not falling for this “put some money back and pay for your own insurance” routine. I want to see the fine print before you fuck me up the ass, thank you very much.

- Increasing the size of the armed forces by 92,000. Where are we getting these people? Is this a coy way of saying “draft”?

- A civillian reserve. Again, where are we getting these people? What’s the difference between a civillian reserve and a military reserve? Something tells me that the difference is the civilians are going to get even less funding than the military. Unless maybe civillian reserve is a code phrase for “Haliburton.”

- Clean coal technology. Is there such a thing? Because it sounds like an oxymoron to me. Coal is dirty when you burn it. That’s why they’re raising such a fuss about the coal plants people want to build in Texas. Let’s see…building coal power plants in Texas, Asshat is from Texas, Asshat mentions “clean coal technology” first among the many alternative types of energy there are…hmmm.

Two final thoughts: Asshat mentioned global climate change. As far as I know, this is the first time he’s ever actually spoken about global warming. Holy shit, it does exist!! Helped into existence by those coal power plants! But he didn’t say that part. Also, speaking of power plants, is the man ever going to learn how to say nuclear properly? Because at this point it’s just ridiculous.

ETA: 28% approval ratings make me laugh. Hard. And probably longer than is necessary, but still.

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Here is where I admit a shocking secret.

Filed Under: About a Julz, Rants by Julie — 12 Comments
January 23, 2007

Baseball bores me to tears, people. I know, you’re all sitting their clutching your chests in horror. And if you’re not doing that, you’re scratching your head and thinking “What the hell brought this revelation on?” It was that song “Put Me In, Coach” or whatever it’s called, which was just on the radio. Don’t get me wrong, I like the song. It just got me to thinking about baseball. And baseball? Peeps, methinks it’s overrated.

“But Julie,” you say, “don’t you wear a BoSox cap all spring, summer, and fall?” Indeed I do. I have worn my Red Sox hat so much that it is fading to a nondescript grey color. But I don’t wear it out of fandom so much as for a purpose: to piss off Yankees fans. And it works, too, so hey, mission accomplished.

“But Julie,” you try again, “didn’t you cheer for the Red Sox when they won the World Series? Don’t you actually cheer for them every year?” Why yes, yes I do. For several reasons. One, I hate the Yankees. I think it’s unfair that some teams get to go out and buy all the talent they want, while others just can’t afford to (I have that same problem with Asshat and his friends, actually). I think the Yankees have entitlement issues. Yes, you’ve won a shitload of World Serieses (Serie?), but that doesn’t mean shit when you have bought all the talent available while the other teams are just makin’ due with what they have – see previous reason why I hate them. But I also like the Sox because Terry Francona manages them, and Terry is from my hometown. I actually went to school with Terry’s nephew. Beaver County, represent! I also have a fondness for Tim Wakefield. I saw Tim’s major league debut with the Pirates and had a crush on him…he was a lot cuter in those days. I’ve been loyal to him ever since. Loyalty to a cute player who had some tough breaks in his early career does not a baseball fan make.

“But Julie,” you say, sensing an opening, “you just said you were at Tim Wakefield’s major league debut! That means you’ve gone to baseball games.” Yes, it does. Does it say I was paying attention when I was there? No. When I was in high school, Pirate games were cheap and a great way to play hooky from band camp. However, we spent most of the game bullshitting in the seats, catching rays, and trying to attract the Pirate Parrot. Mascots are fun. Since I’ve moved to New York, I’ve been to a couple of Met games as well. I generally spend them drinking beer and bothering Rick.

“So what the hell is your problem with baseball???” you finally yell, completely exasperated. Glad you asked. Baseball doesn’t move fast enough and is way too civilized for me. I like games like hockey, football, soccer. Games where things can change in an instant – a fumble or a puck intercepted and someone else has the chance to score. There is none of this “taking turns” bullshit in soccer, no “you send three guys up to try to score and then we will” in football. There is only a lot of blood, sweat, and struggle. The only time I really see that in baseball is when once in a blue moon the bleachers clear and everyone starts fighting. I enjoy baseball on those rare occasions.

Yes, I understand that baseball players have to be somewhat decent athletes to hit the ball as far as they do, or to make sliding catches, or make a double play. But it’s just not exciting to me. Give me a soccer player making a run down the field and kicking a ball *thisclose* to the goal. Give me a hockey player skating like a bat out of hell down the rink, coming around the back of the net, and shooting a goal through a tiny gap between the goalie’s legs. Give me a football player going those last five yards into the endzone with three other guys on his back trying to drag him down before he gets a touchdown. Compared with all that? A homerun is just anticlimactic.

Plus, it’s just really fucking cool that blood and puke bounce on ice.

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grrrr.

Filed Under: Rants by Julie — 16 Comments
September 14, 2006

I am Out of Sorts Julie today. I may or may not be coming down with something, I am definitely tired, I am not in a mood to be trifled with, and my new jeans are bothering me because they’re new and not worn-in like my old ones and as a result are making me feel bloated. Stoopid new jeans.

And I have to stop and think: do I do laundry tonight? Or do I go to the pet store and get some more Nature’s Miracle because one little Piss Crusader showed his displeasure with me being gone for a day by taking it out on my living room carpet? Do I do both? See, this much thinking makes me even more agitated than my possible cold, sleepiness, pissy mood, and new jeans have already made me.

Just kick me in the head and get it over with already.

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Almost the end

Filed Under: Craftiness Is Next To Godliness, In Da Hood, Rants by Julie — 15 Comments
August 3, 2006

They tell us that the temps here are going to get down to 72* tonight. Chillens, that is throw open the window, put in a fan, you might just need a blanket weather (seriously – the a/c in my house has never gone below 76* in this heatwave). I cannot tell you how much I am anticipating the moment when I get to open my windows again. The cats will also be happy, since I caught Joe not once, not twice, but three times trying to climb through the blinds to see outside. I finally raised them two inches so he could peer underneath them and assure himself that the outside world still does exist. After five days with all blinds and drapes closed to keep us in a little cool cave, I can see how he might be concerned. Jesse the Hutt is not worried, as long as the food keeps coming.

I’ve avoided talking about the Mel Gibson incident because I figured everyone else was doing a fine job of it, but something is just irking my taters and needs to be vented. Everyone is in an uproar about Mel’s anti-semitic comments, but they seem to be glossing over the fact that the misogynistic pig also called a female cop “sugar-tits.” Perhaps it’s not as bad as saying Jews are responsible for all wars, but it’s not exactly nothing. It shows someone’s true feelings about his core fan base, and he should apologize for that as well. And I’m sorry, but being drunk doesn’t excuse it. When I’m drunk, I don’t go around spouting religious slurs and calling all men assholes. Drunks reveal their true nature – if you’re a happy person, you’re a happy drunk. If you’re a mean bigoted asshole, you’re a mean bigoted asshole of a drunk. It’s all in you, the drink doesn’t make you say anything any more than the devil does. Be a man and admit it, you stupid fuck.

And in other news, I have taken up the needles again. I’m working on the heel flap of a pair of Jaywalkers, and am contemplating my pile of UFO’s (unfinished objects). Until I actually get those done, however, they are fodder for Scout’s latest meme, so I’ll take pictures of them tonight and post them over at Knit Geeks. We’ve been ignoring that blog entirely too much the past several months.

Now somebody post something or comment to take my mind off the fact that it won’t be 72* out for many, many hours yet.

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Hot time, summer in the city.

Filed Under: In Da Hood, Rants by Julie — 10 Comments
August 1, 2006

When I was little, back in the days before we had airconditioning, I remember my mom occasionally saying “Julie, it’s just too hot” when I wanted to sit right. next. to. her. I didn’t understand that at the time. I wanted to be right there. Years later, we got a dog. And the dog wanted to sit right. next. to. me. In dog terms, that was often on top of me. And in the summer in a house with one airconditioner, a furry sixty pound golden retriever sitting on top of me was just too hot. I would tell her that, and when she still didn’t move, I would shove her off of me. She didn’t understand, but it was hot, it was muggy, and dammit, I didn’t care.

It’s mad hot here, stupid hot as our Canadian friends would say. When I went out to the bank at lunch, the thermometer on the side of the building said 99*, which meant the heat index was too scary to contemplate. This is the threshold, people. This is when you cannot take your fellow man at all and wish everyone would just go the hell away and leave you to enjoy the solitude. Preferably in an airconditioned space. But they won’t, and this is when New York City turns into hell and New Yorkers become the “rude New Yorkers” you’re always hearing about.

We do this because we are stuck with our fellow man, and often stuck in tight places with them. Tight, hot, sweaty places, and believe me that’s not as much fun as it sounds, because I am not talking sex here, people, I am talking about public transportation. I’m talking about subway stations. I’m talking about buses. I’m talking about places with little or no airconditioning where you are jammed in like sardines and suddenly your personal space becomes a very big deal. This morning I almost took some teenybopper’s head off because she couldn’t sit like a lady, no, she was sitting with her legs spread reading the Daily News and as a result was taking up her seat on the bus and 3/4″ of my seat, and our thighs were touching and goddammit, it’s too hot for that! Show respect for your fellow passengers and stay the hell on your allotted seat space.

In addition to the “Don’t sit like a gangsta, keep in your own space” rule, I would like to inaugurate a few other rules laws for summer in the city:

  • If it looks like the space available is too small for you to fit into, do not attempt it. Remain standing. I know it sucks, but you know what? If you try to sit in the space and as a result sit on me? I’m kicking your ass. I wouldn’t let my damn dog sit on me (and I loved that dog), so why should I tolerate you doing it?
  • If you are using the ATM, and said ATM is in the sun, and there is a line behind you, limit yourself to one transaction. Because when you start futzing around with the damn machine and I’m on hot concrete frying because you’ve decided to deal with three million transactions at once, I’m gonna kick your ass. If you’ve got that much banking to do, go the hell inside. A corollary to this rule is the “Have all items necessary for your transaction on hand when you step up to the ATM.” Because waiting while someone digs through their bag for their card, and then again for a deposit envelope, that’s hell. And everyone in the line is gonna kick your ass.
  • Do not make me turn off the office airconditioner because you’re “too cold.” Are you fucking kidding me? The a/c is set to 73*, not sub-zero. And if I’m sitting here in a tank top and miniskirt (oh yes, we are casual in this office in the summer) and I’m not cold, you can’t possibly be cold. Shut up, PA. Or, you guessed it, I’m kicking your ass.
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“The rumors of my pregnancy have been greatly exaggerated.”

Filed Under: About a Julz, Daily Grind, Rants, Urban Family by Julie — 10 Comments
June 12, 2006

Apologies to Mark Twain for the title line. But if Sloth wasn’t trying to start some horrible rumor about me, we wouldn’t have to make poor Sam Clemens spin in his grave. And if Bunsen and Aimee would stop adding fuel to the fire…I mean, really, you think you have friends, and you try and be all nice and supportive of them and their un-sloth-like desire to get married to some Warrior guy on their lunch break, and what do you get in return? Slander. And not good slander! Slander that is scary because I know quite a few women who are knocked up at the moment, and it could be catching! Good thing Rick doesn’t have the password to Sloth’s site, that’s all I’m sayin’. ;)

So, now that we have kicked my supposed pregnancy to the curb, what else is going on? I was going to have a nice post about the Doctor Who series one finale, but too many other things have gone on and I can’t concentrate on it. The damn show made me cry. Twice. I would like to do a little post that is coherent and includes that, but we all know I can’t write coherent posts at work. So I’ll shelve that one for tonight, when I watch it again. And cry again. *sigh* So pathetic.

In the meantime, what else is going on? Well, so far today:

  • My shower had no hot water this morning. It sucks ass to take a cold shower. I was doing acrobatics to avoid getting cold water on any more of my skin than absolutely necessary.
  • I needed a new Metrocard for the subway this morning, but the machines were out at my station this morning so I couldn’t use my debit card. So I dropped $2 there. But you know what? You can’t use a one ride Metrocard and get a bus transfer. So when the fucking machines at the Bay Parkway station didn’t take cards either, I had to throw down $2 more. I finally got a card at lunch, but dude, I could have used that $4. Like for drinks at Stitch n Bitch on Wednesday.
  • I was doing okay with my World Cup picks until the US got clobbered by the Czech Republic today. Italy had better beat Ghana or I might have to go to Germany and kick some ass.
  • In case you didn’t notice on the last post, we now have talent visiting Rabid Rabbits & Psycho Squirrels. Not to say the rest of you aren’t talented, but holy hell, a Broadway actor commented here (Hi, Brian!). It’s nice to know I’m not the only one who googles myself to see what’s out there.
  • That dumbass Ben Roethlisberger refuses to wear a helmet when he’s on a motorcycle and paid the price for it today. He’s in surgery after a car hit him and he flew over his handlebars, hit the windshield of the car, and then hit the ground. Ben, you stupid fuck, our hopes for a Super Bowl repeat were riding on your shoulders. Wear a goddamn helmet! Put your fucking Steelers helmet on for all I care, just wear a damn helmet!

Other than all that…just another day at the cube farm. Still steaming about stupid dumbass Roethlisberger, though. There goes the season.

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Oh, the stupidity

Filed Under: Academic Office Monkey, Rants by Julie — 7 Comments
May 24, 2006

Arthur Miller’s stone on the Brooklyn Walk of Fame ~Brooklyn Botanical Garden

I would say “Oh, the humanity,” but since my co-workers are outdoing themselves in the stupidity department this morning…

I walked in this morning and PA immediately says “Julie, I got a message on my email about my eBay account and how they need my information.”  I looked at PA suspiciously.  She’s in her 60s and barely has a grasp on email, let alone internet auctions.  “Do you have an eBay account?”  “I don’t know.”  “If you don’t know, then you don’t have one.  Don’t click it.  You wonder how you got all those viruses and spyware on your computer last time?  This is how.”

Ten minutes later, from Timid: “Julie, my program froze up.”  “And you want me to do what about that, exactly?”  “I don’t know, what can you do about it?”  “Nothing.  Take it down, try to get back into it.”  “Oh, that worked.”

I am banging my head against my desk here, folks.  They’re killing me.  Them and the five million students who have called to find out why they didn’t get anything about graduation.  The answer for 99.9% of them?  Because you never filed for graduation!  This is a big school, I can’t keep track of all of you without some help on your part!  Gah!

However, there is a good side, and since Aimee requested this part of the post, I will oblige.  I did hit my $1000 goal, with a bit of help from Jordana (she gave me $70 in off-line donations to hit the mark).  All told, Team Bok Choy raised $1600.  We did good, and we want to thank all of you who made donations.  Thank you!  The walk was great, we had beautiful weather throughout it, and afterwards even had energy enough to go to the 9th Avenue Food Festival and walk back to the Upper West Side.  And later that evening I walked around 14th Street to get my Doctor Who novels.  I tell you this because I know you want to know how I strained ligaments in my knees.  I am mostly recovered now, no reason to worry.

And now I’m going out to escape the office stupidity.   Because if I don’t, someone might die.

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Raxacoricofallapatorious

Filed Under: Daily Grind, Rants by Julie — 14 Comments
May 22, 2006

The Parachute Jump ~Coney Island

After a damned ad that the Sci-Fi Channel ran following Doctor Who Friday night, I spent the weekend looking for Doctor Who novels. Because I am a big geek like that. And yes, I have already watched Friday night’s episode three times, and I wasn’t even home for the majority of the weekend. Suck it. I can pronounce today’s title, can you?

The ad proclaimed that I could find said Doctor Who novels (featuring the Ninth and best Doctor, Christopher Eccleston) at a bookstore near me. One would imply from this that I could find these books anywhere, right? If I lived in Indiana, for instance, I was still promised that the books would be at “a bookstore near you” (me) by the commercial. Bullshit. I went to the Barnes & Noble by Lincoln Center. This is the largest Barnes & Noble in the city – its interior was used as the evil “Fox Books” megastore in You’ve Got Mail. This place is big. And yet, did they have my Ninth Doctor Adventures Doctor Who novels? They did not. They looked at me like “Doctor who?” when I asked about the books. No, people. Doctor Who.

Next I tried the Borders store at the Time-Warner center. Struck out there, too, even though their computer said one of the books was in the store. I don’t know where the hell that book was, but it was not in the right place. I sighed, and resigned myself to ordering the damn books over the internet. Annoying, since that would add shipping costs, but I was willing to do it.

And then I remembered a little place called Forbidden Planet, which is a store that specializes in comics and sci-fi stuff. I called them up and asked if they had the new Doctor Who novels. The guy on the phone immediately said “Which ones? With the Ninth Doctor? The one played by Christopher Eccleston?” A sigh of relief escaped me. I had found My People. “Yes, those ones.” “Oh, yeah, we’ve got quite a few of them.” Eureka.

So last night I went to Forbidden Planet, picked up two of the novels, took them to the register, and was greeted by the clerk saying “Ah, the Doctor!” Again, these are obviously My People. We had a nice little chat about the series and how it’s coming out on DVD in July, and I left, feeling good instead of feeling like a geek for watching science fiction, which is how the big bookstores made me feel. With my books. Which were not at a bookstore near me, as the commercial led me to believe, but rather at a sci-fi store that kicks ass and is populated with My People.

Take that, big chain bookstores.

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Fuck you, Ticketmaster

Filed Under: Rants by Julie — 5 Comments
May 6, 2006

I woke up this morning very excited to get tickets for Def Leppard (a change of heart that came about after I heard Phil and Viv on Rockline last Wedesday) and Crosby, Stills, Nash, & Young. Both are coming to Jones Beach this summer, which means a day at the beach before the concert – the Ampitheater is right on the water.

I logged in for the Lep tickets. I’m going cheap this round: the $35 tickets. I want to be there, but I don’t have the cash for the close seats. And I’m fine with being in the gods at Jones Beach – that’s where I saw David Bowie and Moby from, and aside from almost being electrocuted, it was great.

Except Ticketbastard has tacked on a $9.50 convenience fee per ticket. So my two “cheap” seats ended up costing me almost $100. Fuck.

I moved onto the CSNY tickets. I’d scoped them out yesterday, and it seemed like the cheap seats were going for $36. I can do that. It’s CSNY, who knows how long they’ll be around? And maybe they’ll let Neil Young play some songs off his subversive new album. I wait for five minutes. LiveNation (also run by Ticketbastard, apparently) kicks me off for no reason. I try again. Tickets are actually $46. And the convenience fee for this one? $11.50.

I called Rick to have a conference with him. We reached a consensus. Sorry, Messrs. Crosby, Stills, Nash, and Young, we aren’t paying that much. I know other people will, but we aren’t. Take it up with Ticketbastard, because Neil Young, isn’t this part of what your subversive songs are about?

Fuuuuuck.

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