Fuuuuuuuck. January 31, 2006 ~ 2:19 pm
Posted by Julie in : Politically Incorrect , comments closed
Is it wrong that I want to kick this man in the balls so hard that they’re forced up inside him?
Body rock January 31, 2006 ~ 11:15 am
Posted by Julie in : Random Insanity , comments closed
Rick and the Oldest, New Year’s Eve ~ Central Park
Today I’m walking around the office like an old woman. But for my jeans and my non-styled, non-dyed hair, I would blend in. I’m barely lifting my feet off the ground, so my presence is announced by the old lady shuffle that’s so prevalent in my office. Except I’m not old. And five trips up four flights of stairs with crap (including two bicycles) on Sunday should not have done this to me, should it? I’m blaming it on the stairs because while my arms and back are a little tight, they’re not painful, so it couldn’t have been the lifting. But my quads…well, my quads have decided that I am the enemy. Particularly the part of my quads near my knees. My knees and I have had an uneasy truce for years, and I think they broke it to sway the quads over to the dark side. Traitor knees, trying to be old before their time.
My face, on the other hand, is suffering more breakouts than a 13 year old on a chocolate-covered french fry and Pepsi diet. That, I know the cause of. When I was in for my yearly exam last month, Good Gynecologist put me on a sample Ortho Tri-Cyclen Lo, which has lower amounts of hormones in it. The hormones that were apparently keeping my skin clear over the years. After this month I’m going back to the regular level Pill. I already get carded on a regular basis and occasionally mistaken for a high school student at the Oldest’s school, we don’t need to add to that.
Whoever decided that the teen years were the awkward body phase was obviously not taking the Pill while moving friends into a fourth floor apartment.
Can’t it be Friday again? January 30, 2006 ~ 11:07 am
Posted by Julie in : In Da Hood, Rick, Urban Family , comments closed
Rick and the girls by pyrotechnic lighting, New Year’s Eve ~ Central Park
My legs ache from a weekend of cleaning, moving, and lining kitchen shelves with contact paper. Did you know that last is a lost art? Nor did I until I started doing it at Jordana’s new home only to look up and see three guys staring at what I was doing, fascinated. One of them, who works in a furniture-making shop with Thabiso, told me that I could come to work with them anytime and do the upholstery. He meant it as a compliment, so that’s how I took it.
I’m almost jealous of J and Thabs. They’re in a nice place that they own, and so can fix it up any way they choose. I could do that to my apartment, but what’s the point? Why would I spend time and money renovating something that I will move away from? It’s spending that time and money to fix up someone else’s place, and while I love my landlady, I don’t feel like doing that. The problem is that I can’t afford to buy a place around here. Apartments, even in dicey neighborhoods, still cost $250,000 or more, and with student loans, credit card bills, etc., I can’t feasibly swing it. Some days it’s a real pisser living in a place where if you’re earning below $50,000, you’re living paycheck to paycheck.
Aside from a few momentary twinges of jealousy, it was a good move. One of the guys helping out had to bring his little daughter since his wife was working, and so J and I ended up watching her and directing the flow of furniture and boxes. Little Massai just turned a year old and is a beauty. She was very happy to be with either Jordana or I as long as her daddy wasn’t in view, but as soon as she caught a glimpse of him, she would start to cry like “Why are you leaving me with these women? They’re horrible to me!” She stopped those Academy Award winning performances after a half hour or so, and was just a little ray of sunshine after that. She babbled to us, she tried to help install the contact paper, she ate Doritos and fed me some, she danced, and she tried to talk me out of my beer. Seriously. I sat down with her on my lap and reached for my beer, and she wanted some. She spent five minutes speaking baby-gibberish while eyeing up the beer can, and at the end when I told her “Massai, you’re a little young for beer,” she started up again. That child is going to be one hell of a saleswoman some day.
After all of the moving excitement, I ended up at a reading coordinated by my friend Eugene. Rick had been cast in a small role earlier in the week, but because of another actor pleading flu, he was bumped up to lead yesterday afternoon. He was wonderful, and it was great to see him acting again. The script itself was a little pedantic and stilted at times, but because of some very talented actors (yes, I’ll admit it, my boyfriend wasn’t the only talented one), it worked.
But after all of this, I feel like I need another weekend to recover.
F.I.N.E. January 27, 2006 ~ 10:12 pm
Posted by Julie in : Academic Office Monkey , comments closed
Because we haven’t had enough pictures of the diabetic cat eating things that are bad for him. Today’s subject: Cheetos. Mmmmm. Cheetos.
Bonus cool points to whomever can tell me what the initials in the subject stand for and where they come from.
Today, the boss and I realized that we are in deep shit. And I called her a bio-tech. And a student called a local news channel about my office. And I got nominated to be a marshall in the Commencement ceremonies.
First things first. We are wondering if the woman whose husband died yesterday (hereafter referred to as “Woman” because “Widow” seems cruel, albeit true) will ever return to work. Martyr told us that Woman is not doing well. She took to her bed yesterday when she got home and hasn’t moved or eaten since. She is apparently shutting down. She has two daughters, ages 13 and 16, and I had thought she would pull out of it for them, but so far no luck. Plus, she is now the sole financial support for her girls, so the Boss and I aren’t sure if she will find it worth her while to return to a part-time job. In the meantime, we are covering her work (she is responsible for replying to students who report problems with an online system) in addition to our own. No, we’re not stressed, really.
Second, Boss has this tendency to either not read or skim emails. She’ll start reading it out loud if I ask her to review something, get through half a sentence, and say “This is fine,” when I know she hasn’t finished it. Today I caught her on it when she got an email from a program head and said “Who’s this?” and I said “Read the first line of the email, he tells you!” She looked at me with a “busted” look on her face, and I called her Bio-Tech. As in “Fool! That word is biotech. Why you gotta be ignorant all your life?” I explained to her where I got the word from. She laughed. We are laid back in my office.
Third, a student called a local news channel to complain about my office. But I can’t talk about that, because that would qualify as “Blogging about work” and we don’t want to get Dooced. However, I will say that my office did what it was supposed to do. The end.
Fourth, I got nominated to be a marshall in the Commencement exercises in June. Not quite sure what a marshall does in this case, but it’s got to be better than sitting in my office, right? Now watch, it will be 5 million degrees out with blazing sun.
Fifth, why the hell has Blogrolling shut down when I finally have time to read blogs? Bastards!
Sixth, I will be spending copious amounts of time in Crown Heights this weekend, helping Thabs and Jordana move into their new apartment. After a year of searching, they finally closed on an apartment and are now owners rather than renters. They have moved up the property ladder and are the first people I know in this city to have a legitimate two bedroom apartment. I’m jealous.
Seventh…I’m tired. I’m going to bed. The end.
Detached January 26, 2006 ~ 12:33 pm
Posted by Julie in : About a Julz, Academic Office Monkey , comments closedIt’s been a numbing morning at the workplace. At about 10 AM one of the women in my office started shrieking. I looked up, saw she was on the phone, and then heard her cousin (Martyr) say “He’s dead.” Apparently someone had called to tell the woman to come home, she put Martyr on the phone, and they told Martyr that the woman’s husband had died. She was completely unresponsive after that. We called one of the security guards that we know and he escorted her to Martyr’s car, and Martyr drove her home. We’re still not sure exactly what happened, but I just felt so awful for the woman. Her husband wasn’t that old (late 50s, early 60s, I believe), and this was totally unexpected. And they have two teenage daughters. And there wasn’t really a lot I could do other than call the security guard and run down to the Reserved Parking area to help her into Martyr’s car.
It’s strange…when awful things like this happen I feel detached. Occasionally I’ll break down, but it takes a long time to get to that point. I’m just kind of numb, and I feel better being the one who is taking care of logistics than the one who is comforting someone. If it’s a kid or animal in pain, I am good. I can soothe them. But anything bigger than a scraped knee, blood test, or broken bone, and I have no idea what to say. This morning, all I could think of was to get the large crowd of our co-workers away from her. She didn’t need to be crowded. She didn’t need to hear them asking “What happened?” over and over again. But I know that my co-workers looked at me and thought “What the hell is wrong with her? We’re just trying to help.” I just saw them as hindering her. Guess everyone reacts differently.
Ahhhh, the smell of cat puke in the morning. January 25, 2006 ~ 11:42 am
Posted by Julie in : Da Cats, Shorty , comments closedThere is nothing like being wakened at 5 AM by the sound of a cat wretching up everything he has eaten in the past 24 hours in a vain attempt to dislodge a hairball.
There’s also nothing like deciding you can’t deal with it then, rolling over, going back to sleep, and having to clean it up 3 hours later. And finding more used cat food in a place where you have never before seen said cat, obviously because that place is a designated Puke Stop.
Why am I always surprised at the amount of food that can fit in a cat’s stomach?
Julie & Bunsen are going to Hell January 24, 2006 ~ 3:59 pm
Posted by Julie in : Random Insanity, Urban Family , comments closedFrom an email conversation Regan and I just had:
Regan: What is this country coming to, I ask ya?
Julie: It’s coming to JESUS, my friend. Come to Jesus.
Regan: Dude, I GO to church. Never ONE MENTION of anal sex OR sex toys. I’m thinking he’s OK with them. Seems like he spent most of his time pointing out the hypocrisies of the self-righteous religious leaders of the day. hmmmm…..interesting….
Julie: Did I say GO to Jesus? No. I said COME to Jesus. Big difference. Huge. And they did not have vibration technology when Jesus was around. Hence the lack of sex toys in the Bible. But there ARE mentions of anal sex. Remember Sodom and Gommorah?
Regan: That’s OLD Testament shit. And I think Mary Magdalene probably made use of a conveniently shaped and carefully smoothened olive branch on occasion. That’s in “bible outtakes” at the end.
Julie: What, you think they forgot about anal sex between the old testament and the new? Dude, those people lived a looooong time. I bet when Jesus was a boy there was some old guy sitting around the front stoop saying “Boy, you should’ve seen Sodom! Those guys knew how to part-AY!” That’s also in the Bible outtakes section. The Bible: As Re-Told By Julie and Regan.
Regan: Also featured n outtakes was when Judas gets hit in the crotch by a baseball. Then there’s the popular “Apostles Gone Wild” video series.
Julie: And the Last Supper Keg Stand.
Conclusion: We’re SO going to Hell.
Tidbits January 24, 2006 ~ 11:40 am
Posted by Julie in : Da Cats, Random Insanity , comments closed
Bad cats get in dishwashers when you’re trying to unload them.
- So now that the AFC Championship game is over, I can admit that I had a horrible nightmare Saturday night/Sunday morning. I dreamt that the Steelers lost the game by one point, and the final score was Pittsburgh 27, Denver 28. This explains why I was holding my breath for much of the second half as the Pittsburgh score stopped at 27 and the Denver score inched up. Stop trying to give me a heart attack, Steelers!
- I emailed my Supreme Overlord (big, Big, BIG Boss) yesterday morning to congratulate him on the win, since he’s from the Burgh originally, too. Although we’ve only met once, I got the most effusive, excited email in reply, which included the sentence “We’re goin’ for the One For The Thumb, baby!”. I love being part of the Steelers Nation. Doesn’t matter if you just met a person, if you’re Steelers fans, you’ve got common ground.
- I finished the first half of a knitting surprise I’m working on for a friend at 1:30 this morning. If the surprise doesn’t fit, she should hang it on the wall as a piece of freakin’ ART, that’s how beautiful it is. My entire office has admired it, and we all know these people don’t make a fuss over good knitting.
- Cats are divided into morning people and non-morning people, too. When Jesse wakes up in the morning he’s very talkative and purr-y and playful. When Joe wakes up in the morning, he is not happy about it. I call him Snake like my mom called me when she had the misfortune of making sure I was up for school. Joe is grumpy and pissed and yowling to let you know about it. You talk to him, and he tells you to shut up. He also makes a run for the door when I leave, which I always thought was him getting his badness out for the day. This morning I realized something: he’s not running for the door, the little fucker is running for my legs. I happened to be looking back to make sure he didn’t get out the door, and I saw a flying mass reminiscent of Troy Polamalu coming at my legs. He wrapped his paws around my leg and bit my jeans. Little cat, you have taken surliness to a whole new level with this one. You are going down when I get home tonight.
I’ve got a feeling…Pittsburgh’s goin’ to the Super Bowl! January 22, 2006 ~ 7:13 pm
Posted by Julie in : About a Julz, Shorty , comments closed
Mama, he’s coming home.
After a not-nearly-as-tense-as-last-week game, my boys are headed for Detroit, to see if they can get a ring for the Bus before he retires. Since I couldn’t bring myself to say that the game was over today until there were 30 seconds left and it became obvious that the Broncos would not be scoring three touchdowns in that half-minute, I won’t make predictions about the Super Bowl. The Steelers have broken my heart too many times in the past at the last minute and left me more than a little gun-shy (remember the Super Bowl against Dallas?). But I have hope that my favorite Steeler of all time could be sporting a new ring by Valentine’s Day.
And Polamalu is going to the Pro Bowl. Today was a good day.
Internet Boredom has struck. January 20, 2006 ~ 2:13 pm
Posted by Julie in : Technobabble , comments closedWhile working very hard on my performance evaluation (Working hard? Or hardly working?), I have managed to reach my Internet Saturation Point (ISP). This happens about once every three months, generally on a Friday, when I find there is nothing left on the internet to entertain me. I’ve read blogs, I’ve commented, I’ve read the news, I’ve looked at knitting patterns, and goddammit, I have run out of things to distract me from work!
Internet, why hast thou forsaken me when I needed you most? You do this deliberately to be cruel. It’s not enough that I have to turn my list of responsibilities into an inspiring example of what a wonderful employee I am, a task that is so boring I could claw the hair from my head and scream. Oh, no, you have to pretend that I have seen everything there is to see on you and kill me with boredom. It’s 2:19, Internet! How the hell am I going to last until 5?
Fuck you, internet. Fuck you very much.
