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Evil Julie August 31, 2006 ~ 4:39 pm

Posted by Julie in : Academic Office Monkey , comments closed

Evil Julie is coming out to play a lot this week at work.  It’s the first week of classes, so all hell is breaking loose all over campus, but I don’t think that’s an excuse for being nasty to my staff and I, or insinuating that we don’t do our jobs, or telling everyone that the procedure that we insist on is to make life difficult for you and your department.  Homey don’t play that, peeps.  Actually, Homey may be inclined to start sending out emails that are very politely worded but nonetheless point out to you (and everyone you felt compelled to CC) that you are a putz.

Evil Julie has not spared her staff for their lapses into stupidity, either.  At one point on Monday morning, I said “Look, I’m not asking any of you to work any harder than I am.  Do any of you have to guarantee that six separate lists of candidates for graduation are all correct and sent in by noon?  No.”  Stupidity will not be tolerated people, and laziness is not an excuse.  Most of my staff has been in this office longer than I’ve been alive, they should know how to do their jobs already.

In the midst of all of this, I’ve still been doing a bang up job and suggested to the Supervisor that she print up some t-shirts.  I don’t think having everyone wearing a “Julie: We’d Be Screwed Without Her” shirt is too much, but she vetoed my idea.  So I’ve come up with a new one:

Evil Julie: Taking No Prisoners

Crapmonkeys. August 31, 2006 ~ 12:56 pm

Posted by Julie in : Daily Grind , comments closed

There was going to be a post here about my cramps, and the oncoming storm that will ruin Labor Day weekend for New Yorkers, and my need for bras, and my half-brother’s mother being diagnosed with cancer…and then Firefox crashed and took my half-written post with it.

Perhaps it’s just as well.

Things they should warn you about when you start dating August 30, 2006 ~ 4:02 pm

Posted by Julie in : Coupledom, Rick , comments closed

Julie: Stop that! What are you doing?

Rick: I’m picking at this scab on your arm.

Julie: That’s my scab on my arm. You don’t get to pick it.

Rick: But I’m your boy!

Julie: Exactly. You are my boy, not my scab-picker.

Rick: It’s the same thing.

Julie: It’s gnasty is what it is.  Cut it out.

This has happened more than once. Coupledom is wonderful, ain’t it?

Just add poo August 29, 2006 ~ 7:03 pm

Posted by Julie in : Da Cats , comments closed

Julie’s recipe for a rip-roarin’ afternoon:

1 cat who hates the vet and carriers

1 carrier

1 vet

2 Wee-Wee Mats

1 rainy afternoon

Beer

Layer Wee-Wee Mats in carrier. Force cat into carrier, avoiding scratches. Wrap blanket around carrier. Ignore cat’s yowls for help. Put cat and carrier on grocery cart and push to vet’s office. Take cat out of carrier, take top Wee-Wee Mat (which cat has pissed all over in his fear of the vet) out of carrier, throw away. Bring vet in, have vet draw cat’s blood. Put cat back in carrier, wrap blanket around carrier, ignore cat’s yowls for help on the way home. Take cat out of carrier, take Wee-Wee Mat (which cat has shit all over in his fear of the carrier and the vet) out and throw it away. Attempt to clean shit which cat has sat in off of cat’s fur with paper towels, water, and Nature’s Miracle. When worst of shit is out of cat’s fur and no more can be cleaned, release cat to lick the rest of the shit off himself. Drink beer.

Good times - blood results tomorrow.

There was something in the air that night August 29, 2006 ~ 1:53 pm

Posted by Julie in : Academic Office Monkey, Da Cats, Daily Grind , comments closed

And now I’m singing “Fernando.”  Dammit.

There’s something in the air or water or ether this week, to the point where I would almost swear it’s a full moon.  But it isn’t, I checked.  My work has been completely psycho this week, with classes starting, several lists of candidates for graduation being prepared, and registration on-going.  There is much yelling, screaming, begging, pleading, and freaking out - I didn’t speak to a reasonable person until 10:45 yesterday morning, and this morning was worse as I rushed to put together six different lists of candidates simultaneously.  Just when I thought I was all done, I realized I switched the cover pages on two of the lists and had to re-do them, re-email them, and re-collate them.  That was when I got this email from one of the people I had sent the email to:

“You’re really trying to make me as crazy as you, aren’t you?”

I needed a laugh, so I sent back an email that said, “Oh, I hope I haven’t driven you that crazy!”

Maybe it’s the weather - many people I know are depressed right now, myself included.  I am going back and forth between laughter to screaming to near-tears at an alarming rate, with a whopping case of PMS on top of whatever craziness is contagious around this place.  That’s sure fun.

Hey, and this afternoon I get to take the Piss Crusader to the vet for his blood tests!  That’s also fun!  Let’s see if he still fits into his carrier…

Cat tired August 28, 2006 ~ 10:29 am

Posted by Julie in : Da Cats, Daily Grind , comments closed

I am exhausted.  I am cat tired (that’s dog tired, except caused by cats).  I spent the weekend pouring copious amounts of Nature’s Miracle on my mattress where Jesse peed, arranging fans to dry the mattress, waiting for it to dry, finding another spot that smelled like piss, and starting the whole process again.  I was harassed by the humidity, which made it practically impossible for anything to dry in a reasonable amount of time, and eventually had to turn on the airconditioner, even though it was only 70* outside.  I spent a lot of time watching the cat to make sure he wasn’t pulling a repeat performance as a ground squirrel.  And to top it all off, I spent the weekend sleeping on the couch, because you can’t sleep on a wet mattress.  So from Thursday night until 1:30 AM this morning, when the bed was finally dry (and non-smelly enough) for me to make and sleep in, I was tossing and turning on the couch.  Last night I was tossing and turning on my bed, hoping that Jesse wouldn’t detect any pee smell that I had missed and piss on the bed while I was sleeping.  I am in serious need of caffeine right now.

Oh, and I was sick Friday night/Saturday.  And had to do much laundry yesterday to get the piss smell out of all my bedding.

The long and short of it is that Jesse has reached the end of his time at Julie’s house.  When Rick and I head to Pittsburgh the first week of November, Jesse is coming with us.  He will be deposited at my mom’s house, from whence he came.  At first, I felt really bad about this, but after everything that I dealt with this weekend?  Not feeling so bad.  Looking forward to November, actually.  At that point, Joe will be an only child, Julie will be able to get theater gigs not dependent on a cat’s shot schedule, and Jesse will be taken care of by another diabetic: my mom.  They even use the same kind of insulin, and Jesse has a better glucometer than mom, so everyone’s a winner.

On the edge August 25, 2006 ~ 1:56 am

Posted by Julie in : Da Cats , comments closed

I came very close to strangling the Piss Crusader about twenty minutes ago, when I went back to the bedroom to find that he had pissed on my bed.  Unfortunately, the Bed Condom ™ was not on the bed when he did that, so I now have all of the pissed-on bedding soaking in the tub.  Of course I only had a little bit of Nature’s Miracle left, and I had to use that on the mattress to get rid of the urine smell on that.  Out of desperation, I then poured some of my Bissel Pet Odor Remover on the bed as well, on the premise that if it gets pee smell out of carpets, it should also work on beds.  And I dumped a little bit of it into the tub with the bedding as well.

I’m going Sofa City tonight, and I am not happy about it.  The bed is covered with the Bed Condom ™ now to protect from further incidents, and the Piss Crusader still does not know how close he is to death.  I did a glucose test on him after I did all the bedding damage control,  and he’s at 97 six hours after his shot.  (For those who don’t know, this is a good number, not high at all.)  So the only answer I can come up with for his behavior is that he was pissed off at me for being on the computer this evening instead of playing with him for the whole time.  If he’s pissing out of spite…*sigh* I just don’t know what to do.  I guess I’ll sleep on it.

Why I love my knitting group August 24, 2006 ~ 10:14 am

Posted by Julie in : Craftiness Is Next To Godliness , comments closed

Quote of the week:

“There needs to be more bitching in this group.  I mean, we’ve got the “stitch” part of Stitch n Bitch down, but we don’t have enough “bitch.”"

That being said, there was much bitching from my corner of the couch last night as I tried to make one ball of yarn into two center-pull balls so someone could teach me the Magic Loop method of sock-making.  If I can master this, it will totally eliminate Second Sock Syndrome because you make both socks at the same time on one circular needle.

Two things realized last night: one, Julie will be buying herself a ball-winder for her birthday if no one else does, because hand winding yarn is a pain in my ass.  Two, you can totally garrote someone with a 40″ Addi Turbo circular needle.

A glimpse of the future August 23, 2006 ~ 11:53 am

Posted by Julie in : Coupledom, Rick, Shorty , comments closed

Last night Rick and I sat around watching some of the collection of crap that has accumulated on my TiVo in the past week. We watched a two hour special about UFOs that was hosted by Peter Jennings (instant credibility, just at Jennings!), and then Rick said I could pick the next show to watch. I picked Gene Simmons’ Family Jewels. (Shut UP, it’s a good show.)

Rick: So they’re married?

Julie: No. They’ve been together for 23 years, but they’re not married. But they have two kids.

Rick: Hmmm.

Julie: It’s like looking at our future.

Rick: Well, you can forget the mansion. That ain’t gonna happen.

I’m packin’ August 22, 2006 ~ 11:59 am

Posted by Julie in : Da Cats, Random Insanity , comments closed

I slept with a squirt bottle last night.  You know, one of those little bottles with the spray trigger on it that you use to mist plants?  Yeah, well in my house we use the “Stream” setting and use it to spray misbehaving cats.  It only actually works on Joe, since Jesse loves water in all its forms and will more often than not lick the spot on his fur where you have sprayed him and then give you his best “Please, sir, can I have some more?” look.  I also, in a moment of complete stupidity, taught him how to drink from the spray bottle.  This means I can no longer leave the bottle where he can get to it because he will wrap his paw around the trigger and try desperately to get the thing to spray into his mouth.  Not having opposable thumbs sucks.

So that is part of why I was sleeping with the bottle.  The other part is that my windows were closed last night because they were spraying for West Nile in my neighborhood.  I have lost a gecko to this city’s annoying habit of not telling me exactly when they were going to spray, I wasn’t about to lose the Defecto-Kitties to whatever pesticide rains down from the sky.  Joe was singularly unimpressed by this logic and spent most of the night trying to get through the venetian blinds to where the window (in his mind) should have been open.  My only option was to spray him.

Basically, I’m trying to say that this is how my night went:

rustle, rustle, rustle

“Joe, get away from that blind!”

spray

thud

“No, Jesse.  Get off of me.  We’re not playing with the water bottle tonight.”

rustle, rustle, rustle
Rinse and repeat, ad nauseum.  Actually, this reminds me of one of my favorite politically incorrect jokes: “What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in a pile of leaves?  Russell.”  Get it?  Rustle!  Yeah, it’s much better when I work up to the punchline.

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