Must be the full moon March 25, 2008 ~ 10:42 am
Posted by Julie in : Uncategorized , comments closedI am going through a period of time that I am just going to start calling “The Weirdness.” Because there is no other way to describe it and all the emotions that go along with it.
Rick’s mom is not doing well - I haven’t seen her in a couple of months again, so it’s easy for me to tell myself that she’s better than she apparently is. She’s depressed from losing two of her kids in the past year, she’s not managing her diabetes like she should and ended up in the ER with a sore on her foot last week. Her health isn’t great, and she is relying on Rick a lot. His stepfather is also not doing well, so Rick feels a lot of pressure to be up there.
Unfortunately, we’re at two months before Commencement, so there is no way I can go up there to be with him. I have had major deadlines at work, I have a pile of degree audits on my desk that are waiting to be done, the phones ring non-stop with questions about degrees and students, and oh my god, at the end of the day I just want to put my head down and sleep through the headaches that days like this give me. I just have to keep telling myself “May 29, and then this is over.”
This happens every year, the stress, teeth grinding, headaches, and exhaustion that accompany Commencement. But on top of this, one of the women in my office was diagnosed with cancer a month or so ago. We were told that it was very bad, and then last week we were told that she was being moved to a hospice, and then on Sunday I got a voicemail from one of the other ladies I work with letting me know that the woman with cancer had passed. I’m still not sure how to deal with this. I worked with this woman for six and a half years. She was a nice person, good with the students, had some great stories, and we got along well for the most part although there were some downsides to being her supervisor as well. But I have this thing about becoming friendly out of the office with the people I work with at Some College. I just don’t do it. I have another life, and so do they. So how do I reconcile the fact that someone I worked with for all that time is now gone? If it were a friend or a family member, I would know how to deal with it. But in this situation, I am just kind of numb. It’s affecting me, but I’m still not sure how.
There are other things going on as well. My student loan payments went up by over $100 a month and that is a big thing to get used to. I have friends that are having their own issues to deal with, and I feel like I should be there for them, and I should be there more for Rick as well, but I am teetering on the edge of a depression and am not in such a great place to be supportive of other people. One minute I am fine and everything is good, and the next I am an automaton with a million thoughts rushing through my mind that I can’t even sort through. I need to find my balance again so that I can be there for the other people in my life who need to find theirs.
